This will be my 7th year volunteering for Crisis at Christmas - scroll down if you want to read about my shifts.

A lot of you have supported me over the years and I am thankful that you are here again. I started volunteering because I didn't want to be alone this one Christmas and now I can't really think of doing anything else.

I will start volunteering on 22 December doing 10+ shifts over 2 weeks. I am looking forward to greeting 200+ guests, whom would probably be sleeping outside if this project wasn't running.

Life is hard for a lot of people at the moment, and I understand that money might be tight. I hope you can spare a few pounds, any contributions will support us in giving someone a warm place to stay, with hot food, access to healthcare and most importantly, access to support and advice so they can leave homelessness behind for good.

Thank you very much for reading all of this.

Much love

Vic

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First shift

My first shift went really well yesterday. Even though I've done this before, every year feels different and there is always a feeling of excitement and anticipation.

The centre we use this year is lovely and the staff were incredibly helpful. I did a gap duty - where we were strategically placed to ensure guests know where to go and keep a safe space. I also did a very short tea and coffee shift, this is one of the best tasks in my opinion, where you get to see a lot of the guest, be able to say "take whatever you want!" When they are looking for a snack, and knowing me, the best part is checking out what the snacks are this year. Everything is donated by different companies and it's always a great variety and yes I had 2 mini Tony Chocolooney pieces.

I also helped run the dinner shift and managed the smooth running of serving guests with lovely dinner cooked by staff at the centre. Almost everyone returned a clean plate which is always a great sign in the quality of the food.

To round it off, I spent sometime with a guest, trying to complete a jigsaw puzzle together - this was tough, only because A, I am a little obsessed with jigsaw and B, putting a puzzle together is in my opinion a one person task. BUT I did it, we didn't manage to finish the puzzle with 5 cats that all have the same eyes, but it was lovely to be able to sit and chat during the process.

Going back for more today. Thanks for reading!

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Second shift

Did you know Walker's shortbread has bite size and there are giant Wotsits? I didn't, I do now and I love it.

I did a teapoint sandwich shift yesterday, 2 gaps duties with a big tea and coffee (and juice and Coke and smoothie) service in the middle. I've never poured that much coke in my life.

It was a lovely shift and got chatting with a guest and they could not have been more positive about her experience in the centre, but also with Crisis throughout the year. "I have a great relationship with my case worker and I didn't know the kind of support that was available. I'm very positive about my situation and I know I will come back, as a volunteer to give back. Crisis does not get enough recognition for what they do."

I often think back to my first year of Crisis at Christmas and remember the people I met and how much they opened my eyes about what it is like. How scary it can be and how easy it is to become homeless. Crisis and other charities do a fantastic job in something we wish we don't need, but while we are on our way there, it is wonderful to know, from the people we serve, that something good is always coming out of this challenging journey.

Merry Christmas Eve. xx

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Christmas Eve and Christmas day

The past two days I have been busy with doing jigsaw with some Lithuanian guests who speaks as good English as I do Lithuanian. It was great. These are some of the interactions I enjoy most. We can't communicate in language, but are still able to have a good time together. I often think about how scary it must be, not only sleeping rough, but also not being able to communicate one's needs.

I also spent quite a chunk of the evenings taking clothing requests from guests. It's tough to watch guests coming in with nothing but the clothes on their backs. "I will take anything you have, thank you, I am grateful to you." Not everyone has kind words of course. Some are very demanding, but you know it's because they are desperate, we all just want to feel human, want clean clothes. Importantly, I think the fact that people can make choices, is given the space to say "No" is also helps build someone's self esteem and confidence again.

I saw a new guest on Christmas Eve, you can tell they are new by their matted hair, long finger nails, dirty clothes, but I also saw them going round the tables and picking up people's left over drinks and pouring into their own cup to drink, while there is a fully stocked Tea and Coffee station right next to them. It hurts to watch. This is what they are used to, this is their life for most of the year. We offered them their own drink and snack and I hope it helped.

It's not all puzzle and snacks, despite how much I've led you to believe in my last updates. On Christmas day I had to help with a bit of a tough task. It's not a nice task and it left me thinking about how the person got to where they are in their life, where they would go from here and how they are going to protect themselves, who is around the corner to exploit them. Everyone has a story and we would be foolish to pass judgement.

Anyway, I found a fake moustache in one of the crackers and I am keeping it, so that was fun.

Happy boxing day!

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Boxing Day shift

I spent quite a lot of my shift chatting with guests yesterday. One of them fled from their country that's been a war zone for some years. They told me that they had no English when they first arrived. Having been put in a detention center, they somehow managed to get a place in a college, painstakingly learning English, level by level. But have had to stop recently as he was evicted from their home. They have been rough sleeping for a month.

I spent about 15 mins listening to this guest telling me how electricity works. For 5 days I have only ever seen them at the computer, so I didn't mind the mini lecture at all, if I'm honest, I felt quite proud that they wanted to talk to me. This guest has been squatting at an office. They told me all the tricks they used, making sure they keep the place very clean and tidy so they don't get into trouble, and they suspect people know they are there so they don't want to get them in trouble either.

They told me that they had a tent and everything they need, until last week, when it taken by a recycling lorry - it's not a story about mean council, they had been hiding things in the recycling bin, they just didn't know the recycling schedule had been changed so was not there to take it all away. "I saw the truck goes... Fucking hell a little bit you know?" They then told me they have always been lucky. This is not the first time I hear a guest say that. I think luck means different things to people especially when they have nothing, I think we have a very different and possibly wrong idea what it means. It was because they lost everything that's why they are now in this office. "But I'm always lucky", when we had that cold snap in London, that was when they saw this office and made it their 'home'.

I say this with so much privilege in my bag, but I feel like every year I come to Crisis so that I can remember, be taught again, how some people live, so that I am not just cocooned in this bubble of "live laugh love" (literally never said this in my life until now). I am fucking hell a lot lucky.

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27/18 Dec

I'm getting confused with my dates and number of shifts. My last day in one of the centres I was able to make contact with someone who had a car accident, big burly guy who was feeling so sorry, so embarrassed for themselves they hadn't been out of their room for days. I'm glad they are in the centre, otherwise what hope is there!? Here, they will have meals brought up to their room, access to volunteer doctors and opticians. Here they will be looked after and hopefully will get better quickly.

I left the centre earlier to see a show a lovely friend organised. I realised I needed it very much. Watching and talking to guests is great, but I needed to top up my own well being too. It was strange though. The show was in Soho and the stark difference between where I've left and the one in Soho where the lights are bright, the people are joyous, everyone spending money, drinking mulled wine... I know it will take a while longer after all my shifts to transition back.

I'm at a different centre now but the drill is the same. It was a bit of a shock when someone called me by my full name. We don't ever give that out, so I approached them like I would with someone asking me if I've been in an accident that's not my fault. Turns out, we knew each other, a long time ago now. It was strange seeing them, me with a badge, them with a wristband. The comforting thing was they looked well. We had a conversation and they didn't have the muddled speech, glassy eyed, slight swaying that I see on other guests. And of course, the absolute comforting-est thing was that I obviously aged really well.