My late wife, Hilary, was first diagnosed with a chronic heart failure condition in 2004, at the tender age of 45. This diagnosis necessitated an immediate treatment programme that included two bypass operations and an ensuing aftercare programme that would last for the next eighteen years. Numerous periods of hospitalisation were involved, but always she maintained a cheery and determined demeanour that indicated she did not intend to allow her condition to define her.

We managed to enjoy an almost normal life throughout this period, parenting our children, offering our support as grandparents and doing all the things that couples do - socialising, holidaying and the like. Whilst it was clear that the passing years were producing something of a deterioration in her physical well being, she fought hard not to give in to her illness nor allow it to dictate how we lived our lives. Indeed, as recently as September 2022 we were on holiday in Turkey, enjoying life to the full.

Sadly, things began to change on our return from that holiday. Her heart condition worsened and she began to struggle with a host of ‘new’ symptoms. The most damaging development was Hilary’s hearts inability to support her other organs, mainly because she began to retain fluid due to her weakened circulation. In a very short time, we noticed that she began to put on weight at an alarming rate, at a time when her appetite was actually beginning to wane. She gained 10 kilos in the space of less than two weeks and it became clear that the medication aimed at assisting her to control fluid retention was not working. She was admitted into the Royal Oldham Hospital in mid November 2022 and remained there until 19th December, at which point it appeared to be that the intravenous attempts to address the fluid retention issues had succeeded. Hilary spent Christmas of 2022 at home with me. Sadly, it was immediately apparent that her medication was not working and the fluid retention began to return, with the attendant additional strain on her heart that this entailed. Following our attending at an outpatient appointment with Specialist Cardiac nurse on 28th December, 2022, we were immediately sent to the A and E department, to be readmitted for more intravenous treatment to address the issue. Hilary remained in hospital until the last week of January 2023, before again returning home. Almost immediately, it was apparent that the medication that was available in oral form outside of hospital was struggling again struggling to work.

We tried to continue with our usual routine over the next few weeks and actually went away to Somerset for a short holiday during the last few days of February. Sadly we had to cut short our stay as the fluid retention situation became frighteningly worse, with Hilary now starting to leak fluid from several points in her legs. A phone call to our GP elicited the advice to go immediately to A and E on our return to Oldham. On arrival there, Hilary was immediately readmitted , on 3rd.March, to see if further intravenous treatment of the issue would provide relief. After ten days of such treatment, we were approached by the consultant who was treating Hilary, and the bombshell was dropped! They were very sorry, but there was nothing further that they could do. Hilary was to be discharged home , basically to die.

Needless to say, we were devastated. On her discharge, we were provided with a host of aids to assist with her care, including a hospital style bed, with a special mattress aimed at mitigating against the worse excesses of bed sores. Hilary was allocated a palliative care nurse, who was a constant source of help, guidance and advice. We were visited on an almost daily basis by the District Nursing team, who tended to her every medical need. I was trying, along with our children, to care for all of Hilary’s other needs. We were helped by Hilary’s sister and a small group of Hilary’s good friends, who visited her most days and would sit with her to allow me time to do errands and carry out the various other mundane tasks that would otherwise have distracted me from concentrating on Hilary and her care.

As time went on, it became more and more difficult to care for Hilary ourselves. Her condition was worsening, her pain levels increasing and our confidence that what we were doing ‘the right thing’ was reducing. At this point, we were first introduced to the staff of Dr Kershaw’s Hospice, via their Caring Hands outreach team. Four times each day, two members of this marvellous team came to our home to tend to Hilary. They bathed her, they helped with her comfort and they not only cared for her, but they CARED. They were kind, they were patient and they were interested. It didn’t seem to be just a job for them, it was as if they were our friends (as, indeed, they very quickly became).

With the help of the various agencies, our family and our friends, I managed to care from Hilary at home from late March to early May. However, it was becoming apparent that Hilary’s condition was rapidly deteriorating and, perhaps more importantly, her pain levels were increasing. Prior to the introduction of the Caring Hands staff into our support network, Hilary had always been concerned about the prospect of being admitted into a Hospice, However, when the subject was initially mooted by our palliative care nurse, and when it became clear that the hospice she would be admitted to was the one from which our Caring Hands ‘friends’ worked, Hilary gave her consent.

Hence it was that, for the last week of her life, Hilary enjoyed the care and attention that is made so readily available to all who need by the staff at Dr Kershaw’s Hospice. Nothing is too much trouble for those in the In Patient Unit, nor indeed for the relatives of those patients. The care is delivered with such kindness and consideration. Even now, eight months on from the period when my late wife was in their care, I get emotional when I recall the manner in which she was cared for and the way in which I was also treated, as I was allowed to spend the whole of that last week of our time together, by her side in the Hospice. Having been admitted on May 2nd., 2023, Hilary passed away peacefully on May 9th., at the tender age of 64 years and 25 days, surrounded by her family and friends.

No matter what I do - no matter how many times I volunteer or how much money I manage to raise - I don’t think that I will ever be able to fully repay the staff at Dr Kershaw’s Hospice for the kind and caring way they looked after my darling Hilary during those last days she was with me. In my opinion, that hospice is staffed by angels who just don’t happen to have wings.

My 'thank you' card to the Hospice staff who cared for Hilary:

"Today I met some angels,

Each dressed in Hospice uniform,

Who with Caring Hands and humour,

Their duties did perform.

Today I met some angels,

Surely sent from high above.

They spend their days dispensing care

With kindness and with love.

Today I met some angels,

They cared for Hilary, my wife,

A lady who for many years

Had been the centre of my life.

And now as I look back upon

The precious times we shared,

Losing her hurt slightly less,

'Cos of the way for her you cared.

These angels treat all those in their care

With dignity and grace.

Their motives are not human ones,

They're from a higher place.

Today I met some angels

Whose compassion has no strings.

They are not mere mortal folk,

They're angels without wings."

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