Having the support of the Miscarriage Association and being involved with them over the last few years I can honestly say has been life changing. When they initially accepted my application to run the London Marathon in 2020 it was so liberating for me. Having the confidence and courage to share my story had given me such a sense of release. Although I knew I would never forget, it finally gave me the opportunity to accept, to heal and to move forwards. So when covid-19 stopped me from completing the marathon after all of those hard weeks of training it did seem like a very cruel twist of fate. If only I knew what was waiting for us..........

February 2021, “Is there any chance you could be pregnant?” the doctor asks. “Don’t be ridiculous” came my reply. Quite tactless and insensitive I thought. Had she not read my notes; 4 miscarriages and told I was unlikely to conceive again - but there it was, a positive test. I was 44. This was not going to end well.

The next few days were a whirlwind as I found myself in that all too familiar early pregnancy unit without any hope or expectation and a familiar sense of impending doom. Already I had found a way to detach myself from this pregnancy and so finding out I was already 8 weeks pregnant and that there was a strong heartbeat was definitely not the news we had been expecting. But we had been here before so many times and so it was still not a cause for excitement.

I have absolutely no idea how we survived the next few weeks and months. It wasn’t easy. There were no celebrations, no big announcements and we took it day by day.

Internally it was a struggle. I was hugely anxious and it was a very stressful time. I know a lot of people enjoy pregnancy, but when you have experienced loss this is something that is often taken from you. I reached out to the Miscarriage Association marathon running group that we had formed and the support I received was amazing. They put me in contact with one of their support groups; Pregnancy After Loss and I also spent time talking with one of the other runners who had been through a similar experience. She got it. She understood why I was spending more time thinking about how I would bury my baby instead of bringing him home. She had done the same. It was about self-preservation.

My husband was terrified that if something went wrong I wouldn’t be able to cope and we were both really worried about how and when to tell Riley. With the advice from the support group we found the right moment to share our news with Riley. He was told there was a baby, but he was also told that not all babies get to come home. Although it may have seemed unkind to manage his excitement, it was also important that we helped him manage his expectations as we had to do ours with none of us knowing what the outcome would be.

I share all of this not to garner sympathy or attention, but to remind the many people and families who have and will suffer with miscarriage that there is no shame in this kind of loss. That you are not alone.

On Thursday 23rd September 2021 we finally welcomed Oliver into this world and oh my goodness what a journey and rollercoaster it has been since! I am beyond grateful for what we have been given, even though this whirlwind has totally turned all of our lives upside down. Oliver is a tornado. He is full of personality and character; he makes us laugh every day and keeps us all on our toes. Riley and Oliver adore each other, Riley at long last has his play mate and finally our family is complete.

Although Covid-19 had stopped us all from running together in 2020, I raised £2600 with my first fundraising page, and I was genuinely blown away by people’s generosity, support and kind words. Please know that every penny you kindly donated went directly to the charity in supporting all of the amazing work that they do. The Miscarriage Association wants to reduce the taboo of pregnancy loss which they say can have the biggest impact on problems of loneliness, lack of understanding and poor support. They want to make sure that everyone affected by pregnancy loss gets the care, support and information that is right for them and for that they need your donations.

So here I am again. The Miscarriage Association are giving me another opportunity to go to London and finally finish what I started 4 years ago. The charity were under no obligation to let me run again. Like a lot of charities, they were hit hard during the pandemic and their capacity to fundraise was hugely affected. But they genuinely care about their supporters and wanted to allow each of us to have our moment. I feel so lucky to be a part of this team and I will continue to do all I can to support the amazing work that they do.

I initially embarked on this journey, to acknowledge and respect what we lost, to show strength and to make my family proud. I wanted to raise awareness for others, encourage people to talk and to celebrate all that I had. I did. I found my closure and I was lucky enough to move on. 4 years later this hasn’t changed. The body might be a little older and I may be a little slower, but this time I have so much more to celebrate x