*Trigger - mention of Suicide*

My sister and I are taking part in the 2024 BHF London to Brighton cycle to raise funds for Rethink Mental Illness.

I will be embarking on a 54-mile bike ride in memory of my lovely dad Steven Bourne who sadly ended his life on 30th June 2023. He suffered with severe depression due to loosing my Mum to aggressive Melanoma cancer on 31st December 2022. This lead him to have a mental breakdown and was eventually diagnosed with an anxiety and panic disorder by his GP.

I have chosen this charity as it is important for people suffering with mental health to not feel alone. Being an invisible illness it is so much harder to understand and comprehend what someone must be going through.

I admire and am so grateful for the doctors that helped my Dad. I am so grateful for the paramedics that supported us on the morning of the 30th June. However I do think there is a lot more work to do on research and supporting people going through this. There is also a lot of pressure on people supporting the person going through a mental health crisis. There was a lot of pressure put on us to 'count his tablets' and 'hide any dangerous items' - which is near impossible as you can't be with someone 24/7. We also frequently called the mental crisis number but was classed as not an emergency as we were with him. There came a point where we all agreed, including Dad that he should be hospitalised for treatment. We had a provisional place at a private hospital but treatment would costs thousands of pounds which most people do not have. Dad would have to use his savings which caused him great distress and anxiety and amplified his panic. The only way to get this on the NHS would be to pose a threat or attend A&E. My dad did attend A&E twice, once because he thought he had a urine infection and another for overdosing on tablets - which I believe should have been another red flag that his mental health was deteriorating.

Dad did not receive his referral to the mental health specialists until the week of his death - the doctor did chase this up weekly and was as frustrated as we were.

I absolutely do not blame anyone and am grateful for all the help we did get especially from his doctor that was always there for him - even when he walked into the practice without an appointment. I do think my Dad's illness was as terminal as my Mum's but this is not the same for everyone. Maybe with the funds raised help for mental health will improve slowly and gradually we could decipher this illness and help more people recover.

The London to Brighton bike ride will pass my mum and dad's house in June which will be almost the one year anniversary of my Dad's death. This makes it even more special and will only spur us on to finish :)

Thanks for reading, Love you Dad and Mum. Jackie x