Trigger warning: baby loss, birth trauma

At the end of last year, my wife and I said goodbye to our little girl at 21 weeks into our pregnancy.

We found out after a routine 20 week scan that she had a major heart defect. The treatment necessary to attempt to save her life would be multiple open heart surgeries starting at a few days old. She would be in hospital, sedated and isolated for most of her early life and even if she were to survive this, the rest of her life would have been short and involved much suffering. There were also indications that she had a growth restriction meaning her condition would likely be inoperable due to her being too small.

We felt there were no positive outcomes for our daughter and decided that the kindest thing to do was to end the pregnancy. The difficulty to come to this decision when our daughter was so wanted could not be underestimated. We thought this would be the hardest part of the process.

A few days after we came to this decision, we went to our local hospital for a medically induced miscarriage. The experience was extremely traumatic and not what we were expecting, due to lack of care and facilities. My wife was in labour for 12 and a half hours, half of which she was in more pain than I’ve ever seen anyone in. After a long and unimaginably horrific night, she delivered our baby herself.

There was an obvious lack of knowledge, understanding and empathy from the hospital staff during the birth. They were completely out of their depth and there were points where it was neglectful and dangerous.

While we should be grieving the loss our daughter Lila, we are instead dealing with PTSD due to the lack of care that we received.

The mistakes that were made by staff simply cannot continue to happen. Losing a chid is hard enough.

In October I will be running a 57 mile ultramarathon from Glasgow to Edinburgh to raise funds for Abigails Footsteps. This charity provides bereavement training to midwives and healthcare professionals, facilities such as cold cots and bereavement suites and specialist therapy and care for bereaved parents.

I want to raise enough money to make a difference and prevent other parents from having to experience unnecessary trauma during the worst time of their lives.

please donate if you can x

Abigail's Footsteps extends its compassionate reach in many ways, offering solace to parents navigating the difficult journey of baby loss. Our initiatives encompass crafting nurturing spaces within hospitals, supplying essential equipment that allows parents precious moments with their babies, and delivering essential bereavement training to midwives who may not have received this crucial education.

Your contribution, no matter the size, holds the power to bring about profound change. To all those who have generously donated already, we extend our heartfelt gratitude.

Visit www.abigailsfootsteps.co.uk to find out more about our charity and the work we do. Together, we can make a lasting impact.