Inconceivably, I was incredibly close to becoming one of UK's domestic violence murder statistics. Astonishingly my story is not uncommon.

Sadly, two women are murdered in the UK every week at the hands of their current or former partner, it is estimated another three women per week in the UK lose their life due to domestic violence suicide.

Domestic abuse is largely a hidden crime, occurring primarily at home, difficult to accurately quantify and understand. Rarely spoken about and when discussed, misconceptions are prevalent. Victims unable to unburden what is happening to them due to a sense of shame, guilt and unwavering fear resulting from a complex pattern of behaviour in which their partner has exerted power and control sometimes for many years. Destroying families, resulting in a cycle of abuse that leaves the victim unrecognisable and often isolated.

I was in a relationship for years that was beyond description. I endured psychological, emotional, violent and torturous abuse. It began as a love bomb and my now counsellor expressed that in the beginning of the relationship (unbeknown to me) I was groomed - my daughter too. This man I was in awe of then began to subtly take control; there are so many layers to this abuse it is difficult to explain in such a short space.

At first I thought the actions were delivered out of love. In the beginning of the relationship I had a small cleaning job whilst taking a short IT course and passionately completing a Diploma in Art in preparation for my art degree, I wanted to be an art teacher and I was mum to a beautiful little girl. He would offer his own money, more than I earned to stay home "rather than cleaning someone's toilet," which he felt was beneath me. Even ripping the money up to prove how much he didn't want me to go, and that he'd rather give it to me than having to continue to destroy his money each time I cleaned. I was flattered, smitten by how much this man cared and loved me and my little girl. He gave her attention, love and material things which I was unable to afford and it was lovely to see their bond.

Eventually my attendance at college became a problem for him and slowly the anger seeped in between the love bombing until there was no more love - just utter fear and control.

Over the years I was totally isolated, losing my relationship with my family and friends. Every tactic of control kept me there. I suffered torturous violence, multiple broken bones and was in a perpetual state of fight or flight, with things escalating when I was carrying my child and after the birth of my son.

For anyone one that would like to know a little more about my journey, click on the link for my survivor story.

https://onevoicemychoice.co.uk/clares-story-1 (Q&A interview for international women's day 2023)

Sadly and regrettably I wasn't able to access a refuge or even a support line during the many years of domestic abuse that I and my children experienced; I had little awareness of the support Refuge could have offered me. Being unequivocally petrified, terrified of repercussion, my confidence destroyed and let down by every service that I had unintentionally encountered; ultimately exacerbating the situation I was facing.

I was finally able to get away when the right collaborative team/support/circumstances came about. To be honest it was a chance escape that started with just one good policeman. Without him I would not have met the most amazing solicitor who went above and beyond to protect and empower me. I thank them for my life I have to this day. My son was three and my daughter nine.

I have a professional successful career now. I threw everything into scooping up my children and turning our lives around, I earned a BSc (Hons) and was even able to obtain a mortgage on a house by myself. To most people this is not much but to me this is everything, I genuinely thought my life was over at points, this I could only have dreamed of.

My two older children are successful. My son has no lasting memory thankfully and is the nicest man I know.

I am so proud of my daughter - she took every negative and made a positive. She has a degree in psychology, works with victims of trauma around the world and is an absolute ambassador of women's rights. I worked so hard to turn my life around and hid my past, burying/suppressing what I could.

Remaining mostly silent for so many years, I suffered as a consequence, therefore I felt very alone. I was subsequently diagnosed with complex PTSD. After 3 years of counselling with 6 months of EMDR I am ready to move forward positively. I strongly believe I need to talk about my experience to raise awareness, help other women suffering domestic abuse; not for this experience to be in vain. I want my voice to be heard and encourage that of other women to do the same.

Raising awareness, education, the right attitude and understanding are paramount in recognising and supporting victims of domestic abuse. Therefore it is crucial to ensure the complexity of domestic abuse is understood.

Almost 1 in 4 women will experience some form of domestic abuse in her lifetime. Refuge empowers women and their children to rebuild their lives, free from abuse and fear. Just £15 could go towards essentials for a woman's first night at a refuge

My need to move forward positively by sharing my journey, ultimately supporting Refuge, helping dispel misconceptions relating to domestic abuse along the way. For all the reasons I have outlined in my Bio and my personal story, this has not been a decision I have taken lightly. The fear of rejection, repercussion and judgement are very strong after the years tattooed on my brain. However, I am propelled to do so for all the women whom are suffering from domestic violence out there! The only shame to be felt should be that of the perpetrator.

Due to this, the potential to raise money and awareness for Refuge, the belief I may just help one women by sharing my story, I am running the London Marathon 2024 on Sunday April 21st!

I would so appreciate any support!

Clare's story (Q&A interview for international women's day 2023)

https://onevoicemychoice.co.uk/clares-story-1

Instagram page for training updates if you would like to follow 👇

https://instagram.com/clare.raven?igshid=MzMyNGUyNmU2YQ==