I am walking/running at least 60 Miles in September for Refuge.

Emotional abuse is often very hard for the victim to spot. Even harder for anyone removed from the situation. Part of the reason for that is because the abuser is usually someone who is friendly, outgoing and charming to everyone else they meet. So it can be shocking to learn that a hidden toxic dynamic existed in front of your eyes for so long and you didn’t see it (as either a victim or a friend / family member / work colleague).

I know this because this was my experience. I lived in a marriage which slowly became dangerous and toxic over a long period; a marriage which, to everyone else, looked like the perfect match. It took me a long time, alongside a lot of shame, to realise that this “perfect match” didn’t make me feel good, and I couldn’t understand why, because I was blinded by love.

Two years ago, it became clear to me that I was a victim of emotional abuse and coercive control. After over 10 years of marriage, the abuse and gaslighting had become so controlling (fuelled by my total lack of advocating for my own needs), that I had no access to my own income, I had largely cut off most of my friends, rarely saw my parents and sisters, and, in my subconscious desperation to escape the abuse, I sought solace in extramarital affairs. I am not blameless: some of my choices and actions caused deep hurt, which in turn resulted in worsening abuse.

Nearly three years on from my awakening and liberation, I’m still healing, and atoning for the choices I made, the part that I played in the dynamic. I still occasionally act irrationally out of a deep rooted unconscious fear, which is a byproduct of my mistreatment - and I’m prone to allowing myself to be drawn into new situations that also amount to emotional abuse. I’m learning how to understand my trauma responses better so that I can live and love fully, while exercising healthy boundaries.

And obviously, I have my two beautiful daughters. Who I love with every fibre of my being. I will fiercely protect them for as long as I live, to make sure that they never have to be subjected to the same mistreatment that I was. Because they are beautiful humans, inside and out, and they deserve to experience a beautiful world 💕

For these reasons, I’m walking and running in September for Refuge. Raising funds to provide support to women and children experiencing domestic abuse. If you can, I’d be so grateful for your support. If you can’t manage it financially, just your kindness and understanding mean the world to me, as I carry on this journey, both in September as I walk and run, and then beyond, as I continue to heal and grow.

If you’ve read this and something has resonated, whether for yourself or someone you know (and it’s important for me to say that it’s equally possible for men to be subjected to this kind of control and mistreatment), I can promise you that there is hope, and you can make positive choices and steps to a healthier life. It isn’t easy, but you can do it. Reach out for support if you need it; https://www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk

Sending love to everyone. Thank you xxx xxx xxx

On any given day, Refuge supports thousands women and their children.

Just £15 could provide essentials for a woman arriving at a refuge.

Many arrive with little more than the clothes they are wearing. Your donation could provide essentials like toiletries and food to help a woman through her first night.

Every £1 makes a difference. Thank you!