Apologies in advance for the long story :-)

I was always known for being a dads girl, he was someone that I always felt fiercely protective over even as a child. Whenever my father walked into a room he always had an assertive energy and presence, he was very well respected in our family and in the community, where people came to him for advice or help. I looked up to him. I remember as a child he always taught me the importance of integrity and learning to be independent. I give my father full credit into the person I have become today. 

In 2012 after much denial and pain on my part my father was diagnosed with dementia, I fought it very hard and I struggled to accept that he had it, my mother and sister work in the medical sector so they saw the signs early on but kept it from me as they knew I wouldn’t take it well. I always tried to cheer for the things he remembered and kept saying to my family look he’s actually fine, very few people in my life knew about the struggles I went through personally. We have an elderly mother so immediately as a family we developed a schedule of our ‘weekly rota’, so my 2 days off from work I would go home give my mother a break and take care of him, my sister and her 2 sons did the same, 

Something you are not prepared for is what dementia really does to a person, as I thought naively that it would just be his memory. My father was the strongest person I ever knew, he worked his whole life in the finance sector, in the stock market when he was young and had the sharpest mind when it came to anything relating to accounting or finance, he knew how to converse about anything whether it was politics, wildlife, psychology and was a highly educated man. We had to go for a follow up screening and the consultant asked him a few basic calculations I was with him and my heart sank when he couldn’t do a basic calculation. I held my tears back to be strong, the reality of what this disease is really hits you and it’s something that you can never be prepared for. We were very lucky and blessed that this brought our very small family together and made us stronger. I lost a few friends that just didn’t get that I no longer had any social life and didn’t want to go out for dinner for the foreseeable future as to me my fiercely protective nature came out on another level and I then travelled back to my parents every evening after work from my place to wish him goodnight and head back to mine.  As time went on our father was always bubbly, smiling, to date I cannot remember a time where he ever really complained about anything in his life bar the road rage :-), however you could see he was starting to deteriorate his ability to walk, hold a conversation amongst so many other things declined. We were told dementia has different stages and eventually everything will start shutting down till you pass away, you’re not however told whether it will be a year or 10 years. I spent everyday of 6 years fearful that I would get the call, so I made myself accessible 24/7. 

This went on for 6 years until he passed away peacefully  in 2017 with all of us with him in the last week of his life and to date there has never been a pain I have experienced in my life as the day he passed away. I still think of him on a daily basis and have a photo of him in my office. He was buried 24 hours after his death and within 2 hours of his funeral being announced over 200 people came to pay their respects, I knew my father was a great man but I never knew how great until random people came up to us and said your father was great, he helped our family through so many things. We were blown away about this side of our father we never really knew. 

I see patients regularly that come in with their family members to my practice that tell us their family member has dementia and on a few occasions for the last few years I’ve had to excuse myself because it brought back emotions relating to my father as I know what they must be going through. The job I do shows me how common dementia is becoming as I don’t think I had ever thought about it prior to my father having it. 

My other half is my absolute rock and I don’t know what I would do without him, he stands by me in everything I want to do in life and is joining me on this new journey where we want to start making a difference to people that need our help. My father never got to meet him but as strange as it sounds I know that this is the only person my father would’ve chosen for me as they would’ve had so much in common. 

I have been wanting to contribute to help people for so long and there has always been some sort of obstacle in my way. After we got the go ahead that this 26 mile trek was taking place we signed up straight away and are now starting to fund raise. 

I have learnt in a very short space of time from what my father went through that we will not be forever young, with every year we get older and the most strongest persons life can change in a heartbeat.  

I would love for you to donate as there will be a time in our life that we will encounter someone going through this. 

Thank you for taking the time to read this very long story 

Amber & James 

Xxx 

Alzheimer’s Society is transforming the landscape of dementia forever.Until the day we find a cure, we will create a society where those affected by dementia are supported and accepted, able to live in their community without fear or prejudice