110kg, excessively high blood pressure, high cholesterol and I can only see my knees if my legs are bent. But I like a challenge, so I am going to do what every 55 year old bald EFG (extra fat git) should do and that is compete in a Triathlon.

I have 10 weeks to train for this event, and to ensure my doctor does not suffer a heart attack of his own upon receiving the announcement I have decided to enter as a team with two very attractive ladies doing the easy bits (swimming and running) and me doing the difficult manly bit in the middle (cycling 35km). 

The event is run in aid of the Ellen MacArthur Cancer Trust, and as it is on his birthday, I will be thinking about my brother, who thankfully is still with us, despite having had a brain tumour the size of Tasmania removed.

Please give generously as all the money goes direct to the charity. I will not be deducting the cost of the bike, (which weighs less than one of my arms, but costs an arm and a leg) from the proceeds!

Anyone who would like to see me in Lycra, or offer massage services after the event is invited to attend. Saturday the 29th of September. I am sure we can find a few bits for a BBQ afterwards.