So this is pretty hard for me to write about. Last year me and my amazing partner found out we are going to have a child, it all came as a shock as honestly this wasn't something we planned for or even expected but as the days after turned into weeks we knew this is what we wanted and as the panic buying settled down (so much random stuff bought by myself alone) we had planned our next 5 years and deep down we knew everything would be OK. The problems started just after easter 2018 with samie going into early labour but thankfully the wonderful people at poole hospital and the after care at Southampton hospital they managed to stop the labour, again we thought this is the only bump we're going to have but 1 month after samie's waters broke 11 weeks earlier than expected but luckily no labour pains. Due to late stage of pregnancy and the risk of infection to our beautiful baby boy we was told that if spontaneous labour was to start again they won't stop it but let him come early and be popped into an incubator to cook up there until his approximate due date. 4 days after the waters breaking on 20th of may Hadleigh aneurin hook came into the world with us both un prepared and scared stiff at what may happen, but he came out breathing on his own and skwarking away and that's when I knew I had a little warrior for a son and it's the proudest I have ever been for samie and Hadleigh. Samie was absolutely amazing the whole time I can't begin to imagine the fear the heartbreak she must of been going through during it all but once he Hadleigh came to us it all evaporated and we both experienced joy like we've never experienced before. The absolute heroes that work for poole maternity took him and got him settled into his new home and he looked perfect even with the tubes and wires attached, samie and myself saw past that and just saw perfection, I mean how can someone like me be involved with creating life that is so pure, so perfect and so strong! Then began the longest 7 days of both our lives. The nurses and Dr's in the nicu unit, I mean christ the pressure they work under the stress, emotion, ups and downs they go through on a daily basis I have no idea how they do it! The entire staff at the nicu unit they fell in love with Hadleigh the Dr's were amazed at his size and that he went on to proper feeds so quickly and we was told that he's doing as best as he can be and by day 3 Hadleigh  was off the antibiotics and on a breathing apparatus that just helped so slightly that he didn't need any extra oxygen. By day 5 we got the news that Hadleigh had a slight infection and that he needed to be put back on antibiotics, by day 6 he needed to be incubated as his breathing had regressed because of the infection and that he needed to be transferred to Portsmouth hospital for a higher level of care than Poole could provide. The fear was back and fuck me was I petrified, I hadn't even held Hadleigh yet. So me and samie left Poole to get every thing we needed to stay at Portsmouth as long as Hadleigh needed to be there, they had rooms for us to stay there so one less thing to worry about at the time. At 3 am we arrived at poole and was shown to our room and we waited for the nurse to let us know when Hadleigh had arrived and when we could see him, he arrived at 5:30 am and we was able to see him at 9 am after having been updated by the nurse we realised that this was allot more serious than we thought but I managed to convince myself that everything would be OK but after leaving to go express pump some milk for Hadleigh that's when the nurse came running in to get us back, when we entered the unit both our world's began to disintegrate around us. Hadleighs heart rate had dropped and he had stopped breathing that awful fucking infection was killing my boy in front of me and there was nothing I could but watch on and hold samie while the Dr's and nurses worked tirelessly to try and bring him back, I tried to hold samie so she couldn't see what was happening and all I could say to her was 'it's going to be OK,  they're going to save him' Over and over again. I believed it with all my heart that they would. The Dr turned to us and said there was nothing more that could be done and they had to stop. We both crumpled and broke, my heart was and still is in a thousand pieces. My son, my warrior, my light in my life had almost gone, Hadleigh still had a tiny heart beat so I asked to hold him, to get my cuddle I'd so desperately wanted and held him until the end. Mine and samies world's will never be the same again, we've come along way from that day but life will never be as easy as it was for us, our smiles will never be as big as they once was and we'll never laugh as hard as we once did but we will not give up that's for certain. Not long after everything it may have been a week or a month but I can't remember two good friends of mine called me up and said "listen were doing the mongol rally we know you've wanted to do it, we're all three of us doing it next year" and by that simple gesture they've given me a massive goal to work towards, to keep me sane!! Our goal is to raise enough money for the Poole nicu unit to help then raise enough money for new open top incubators, £3100 buys one of these amazing machines that helps save the lives of premature baby's across the country. Please donate as much as you can and if you can't then if we advertise for help fundraising we would appreciate any time you could give to help!