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https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising-edit/suzannemclaughlin28

My Father was a violent drunk. A bully. A victim of his own circumstance i’m sure.......but I find myself unwilling to care. My mum rescued me from a life with this man and I grew up, poor for sure, but warm and happy and secure.

All my Father inflicted on me was a serious lack of self esteem.

My stepmother, wee sisters and more specifically my little brother didn't fare so well..

Always a dreamer and a sensitive soul my baby brother took to heart all of the vitriol that spewed from the mouth of this bitter and small man who was so pitifully aware that he was the architect of his own destruction and miserable life that he delighted in inflicting pain and misery on everyone around him.

Difficult teenage years, older sisters already away dealing with our own fall outs from this man and a teenage flirtation with drugs and alcohol coupled with undiagnosed depression left him on a downward spiral from which he has never recovered.

Sofa surfing at various friends places, led to nights lost in chemically or alcoholically induced happiness and eventually to homelessness as he desperately tried to self medicate. 

My brother has a way out via us, he always has had, he always will have, but to be homeless is more than the absence of physical shelter. It can be literally to feel lost without warmth or safety or refuge. To be afraid.

My little brother doesn't recognise me anymore and I cannot tell you how hard the loss of this loved little boy has been on my extended family and in particular on my beautiful, brave sisters who try relentlessly to rescue and save him.. constantly suffering crippling self doubt that they do enough to try...they do. They really really do.

My brother seems resigned and even content in his own way, but he is lost to us.
I wonder if he ever thinks of all the dreams that wont come true and all the places he has never been and all the love for him that he doesn't see.
I recently hugged him and looked into his beautiful blue eyes and they are locked away in a place that he will never let me share.
I really wish that I could get in there.

He is so far gone and so broken.
I will not suddenly know how my brother feels, by doing this sleep out.
I will not suddenly know how anyone homeless feels by doing this. 

So instead, i'll do what I can do, and that is raise cash and also try my best to help raise awareness.

I am grateful to Social Bite for finding a way for me and others to do something, because for so long I have been devastated by the seeming inability to do anything other than write a cheque.

Homelessness is an indication of how broken is our society, our attitudes to mental health, the erosion of our social security, the selfishness of the smug complacent mentality that you, my friends, know that I never cease to rail against.

Those who are homeless spend so much of themselves on simple survival that there is nothing left for self care.

 Living in a constant state of crisis makes it near impossible to get healthy or fit or sober or find mental health care, apply for social security entitlements or address any physical needs much less think about happiness.

Homelessness is to all our shame.
Homelessness is not only a personal tragedy for my family.
homelessness is a human tragedy.

Human beings, vulnerable to inclement weather and violence, stripped of dignity and our collective respect.

We can end it, we can and we must. To do so surely, the very first step must be a fundamental recognition of the humanity we all share, regardless of where we sleep each night.

So on thurday night I will sleep out in Charlotte Sq in Edinburgh together with 100 other CEO’s. 

We are a privileged bunch and possibly all able in our own way to help promote change or at very least raise lots of money.

Please donate if you can and share my story, and please never walk past a homeless person.

If you can spare some cash give it willingly. Although the homeless need real change more than your spare change. It's a start.If you can give a moment of your time, look that person in the eye. Say hello.

 He may not be my brother, but he sure as hell could be and for sure ,he or she is someone’s baby brother or sister, some mother’s baby.
A person.

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