thank you to angie for her donation x

In this country when you are diagnosed with a terminal illness you have no choice but to stare death in the face and deal with each and every debilitaing soul destroying symptom that your slow deterioration makes you go through. You have no choice. My mother was diagnosed with Non Hodkins Lymphoma in January/February 2011, endured agonising Chemotherapy, with dignity,such a brave lady, but to no avail, the cancer returned and in November spread through her body until in February 2012 she was given "not many months" to live. Those months were the most special months of our relationship; we cried, laughed, despaired, remembered, hugged, shared, slept, thanked, trusted, promised, clung onto every moment right up until mum took her last breath in my arms on December 14th 2012.    Without the support of a mac millan nurse, kim, who was employed by farleigh, and the extensive services that she was able to call upon, mums last months would have not have been bearable at all. I can never thank them enough for allowing me to stay by her side in those last three weeks, day and night.  I can never thank them enough for the emotional support and comfort that we found ther when mum was both a user of the day hospice and the in-patient unit for respite and finally her terminal care.   Watching someone you love suffer so much is emotionally draining, you feel so helpless, so angry,such utter despair, but the hospice team understand that, they care. They come alongside and they share that burden. They understood when  I didnt know what else to do to help my mum have the peaceful death she deserved. I miss my mum every minute of every day, the wrench has been almost unbearable, but again the hospice are there and they understand and they help. I have a debilitating condition called Fybromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, which means I suffer every day, but I am determined to do something to try and raise some money to give to these wonderful people who cushion the pain of a terminal illness. Any suffering I endure will be nothing compared to the enormous suffering I witnessed my wonderful mother go through. That  will be my strength and my determination to complete the 22km !  Mum always said no matter how hard things are, how desperate you feel, look up and look for the rainbow, the one that always comes after the storm and the rain, you will be ok, all will be well.    As I drove away from the hospice on the day she died a rainbow appeared in the sky in front of me, on the approach road to the hospital, at the same time my son who was in braintree photographed a rainbow which seemed to be coming from my mums bedroom window ;)  there was the rainbow, there was the promise that all will be well, and as we move forward as a family without her physical presence we will never be without her love, laughter, wisdom, guidance, determination and strength of character that has made us who we are, we have "essence of mum " inside us all.  We have been blessed to have her in our lives x   Thanks for taking the time to visit my JustGiving page.

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