Hi Everybody

First of all thank you for taking the time to visit my JustGiving page.

This very hard to write, OK here goes..

I am Steven Johnston i was born in 1972 to Robert and Patricia Johnston i have two older brothers, my mother always wanted a little girl and in August 1975 her wish came true, my sister was born, my mum and dad were over the moon, their family was complete a loving couple with 3 sons and now a daughter. Unfortunately and devastatingly my mother was given the news of Ovarian cancer, soon after my sister was born, this is kind of where it gets harder, so bare with me..

In 1976 my mother Patricia passed away from this awful disease, my sister was 1 year old i was 4 years old. From that moment on my world is a blur, i have no recollection of being sat down and told of my mothers passing, i have very little memory of talking about her and i have no memory of seeing her, I was brought up with an amazing childhood, holidays, adventures and getting up to mischief. My dad was working full time and had a mortgage to pay, he raised us with the help of childminders, I never asked any questions i think my dad was so busy trying to protect us from my mothers death and was rarely discussed. I fell behind in my primary school years with learning, reading and writing i still never asked for help and carried on struggling as i had always done. After leaving primary school, i moved on to high school where i hated everyday, i still struggled with everything and as cruel as kids are i got teased too. I never got physically bullied, i got mentally bullied regarding my poor learning. It was a big relief to finally leave school in to the big bad world of work, throughout all my years as a child what stood out to me was that not one person not any teachers asked about my mother or how i was coping her loss, i still feel i was being protected by people but the shy boy inside me never asked why. 

Moving forward to 2017 i got tested for the gene that my mother had died from and it came back positive, i cried when i found out i dont know what to do or say, what i can be positive about is that advances in treatment and medications that give people a far better chance in life than in 1976. I have the Braca 1 gene which means i have a higher chance of cancer than those without. I don't feel any different and i am i good health. I have never sat down and asked about my mothers death because i find it far to difficult to talk about it and more so that i don't want to upset my dad as he lost the love of his life and feel it would bring it all back. My youngest daughter Charlie has also been tested for the gene and found she also is a carrier, she is 22 and is a little fighter and has already done charity work for the Eve Appeal.

I have always been a quiet private person, i grew up very shy and found it hard to speak out things or just talk about my issues, i have carried this for 43 years, i finally got the courage to get counselling to help me learn to deal with the loss of my mother its small steps and a long road. 

I like challenges and i am a bit of an adventurer i have always been an outdoor person, so i will be doing the Pedal for Scotland Big Belter challenge which is 100 miles but i will be doing this on a mountain bike i like to do things a little different, i have chosen the Eve Appeal charity as they are the ones that research gynaecological cancer prevention. 

My personal note to you, i lost my mother to Ovarian cancer, i missed out of all the things a mother would do for there little boy, i missed cuddles and her taking me to school, she never seen me grow up or put a plaster on my knee, i never heard her say goodnight or i love you. I thing about her everyday so please help me raise funds to help the Eve Appeal charity continue their funding and research in Ovarian cancer. No matter how small every penny you donate i will be very thankful for.

Thank you for reading my story and you donation is appreciated

Steven Johnston