Hi everyone, I’m Sophie Lindsay and I’ll be running the Royal Parks Half Marathon for Mind.

Whilst I talk openly with my family and close friends about my mental health struggles, I have never spoken publicly or shared anything on social media. This year I am leaning into discomfort, I am pushing myself out of my comfort zone!

This year I wantto advocate for things that I’m passion about and that is mental health and fitness!  

This is my story.

When I was a little 6-year-old girl, sitting in a nice restaurant with my family in France – a homeless man begging for food was shooed away by the restaurant staff, he retaliated by launching his rather large collection of empty wine bottles at everyone dining outside – including us. My memory is blank for a few moments, but I recall coming too whilst vomiting up my just eaten Spaghetti bolognaise, feeling a sense of absolute doom, shaking like a wet dog and not being able to breathe.  

My 6-year-old brain was too young to rationalize what happened and so began issues with panic attacks, eating in restaurants and then eating in public, agoraphobia, and ultimately depression. From here on in I spent most of my adolescence locked in the fear of having another panic attack often being so petrified of having a panic attack, it would cause me to have one. I mean a panic attack over a panic attack – the irony of it all wasn’t lost on me even at that young age – although I wasn’t laughing at the time.  

When I was 20, I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety and prescribed anti-depressants.  The drugs wiped me out, all I wanted to do was sleep, and so I did. I had no interest in anything other than sleeping. 

But the drugs didnt help, in fact the anti-depressants made me worse – I was practically a zombie, sleeping all the time, emotionless, not maturing at the same level as my peers as I was not able to feel anything and go through the motions of becoming an adult.

About 20 years ago, I had an epiphany – I realized that no one was coming to save me, despite being fortunate to have a lovely family behind me. I took the power back from my anxiety by learning about it – I devoured every book I could find on the subject and read peer approved studies so I really understood the science behind it and when a panic attack was started, I would almost laugh in the face of it “oh here comes the feeling faint part, ohhh clammy hands are incoming…”. I also used to politely tell it to eff off!

I also found exercise. I moved to London (from Birmingham) joined a gym, came of the meds and haven’t looked back since. I wouldn’t consider myself a natural runner, in fact the most I’ve ever ran is 15k, once in February this year but there is nothing like silencing those negative thoughts, that inner critique, that creeping anxiety with a run!

When I was 38, I was formally diagnosed with combined ADHD – it explained everything! Running has been the one thing to help me process it. When you are diagnosed at a later stage in life you mourn what could have been, you resent the teachers that told you not to bother revising for certain GCSEs as you were not going to pass it, you started to internalize everything that had ever been externally spoken to you “ you would be so much more attractive if you could just tone it down” , “you could be so smart, but you just don’t focus your attention at all.

Depression and Anxiety are common coexisting conditions to ADHD.

I had huge resentment and anger to the NHS for putting me on anti-depressants, for not investigating it further, for not suggesting exercise and nutrition, to my own mother for not fighting for me and asking for a 2^nd opinion – but the truth is it wouldn’t have mattered. The fact is things were different back then, no one knew girls could have ADHD too. In addition, at least half of all people with ADHD have a second condition such as depression and anxiety – so I wasn’t actually misdiagnosed just not fully diagnosed!

I would like to highlight that an overwhelming number of studies have shown that increasing physical activity directly contributes to improved mental health as well as better overall health and well-being! I honestly don’t know where I would be today if it wasn’t for exercise!

1 in 4 people have mental health problems, and I am running for Mind as they fight for these people, people like me.

We have come a long way in the last few decades, but we still have a long way to go.

I long for the day that there is no stigma against mental health when everyone can talk openly about their stories. One final mind-boggling stat from me - in the UK, suicide remains the leading cause of death for men aged 20 to 34! The Societal norms of masculinity need to be changed and fast!

Please lean into discomfort with me, let’s change minds, sponsor me today, and help end the stigma!

Thank you for reading my story – I’d love to hear yours!