6th November 2020. Just when I thought the year couldn’t get any stranger, I found myself fighting a different kind of ‘C word’ and this one didn’t have a vaccine on the horizon. 

After not feeling ‘quite right’ for over a year, I convinced myself that it was down to my busy lifestyle and eventually the pressure of lockdown, home schooling and trying to juggle a million things at once like a super hero kick ass working Mum. After all, I had been to the doctors a couple of times and they didn’t seem worried. Not until early October anyway, where a telephone appointment with a different doctor was about to change my life forever. 

Alarmed by the description of my symptoms which were gradually getting worse, I was referred for an urgent colonoscopy, just to be on the safe side. Probably IBS they said, possibly colitis but we need to take a look.  At this point I was more alarmed about having a colonoscopy “knock me out” I said to the anaesthetist as I was taken down to theatre and he did. 

As soon as I woke up I had a sense that something wasn’t right. I wasn’t allowed to eat or drink ‘after’ the procedure. The nurse said I was going to be given a CT scan. I thought back to the Moviprep I had taken the night before (if you know, you know) and the extreme reaction I had had. Then in walked my consultant, who pulled up a chair next to my bed and put his hand over mine. ‘Oh shit, surely not!
We have a problem he said. 

That problem was a 4cm cancerous tumour which required urgent major surgery.  Less than a week and a half later I walked into the hospital alone thanks to COVID and underwent a four hour successful bowel resection. I left hospital after 5 days, fragile but described as the model patient, which anyone who knows me well would understand that would appeal to my competitive nature. Not out of the woods though, I still needed to wait for the biopsy and MRI results. 

Said results came two weeks later as I sat in my consultants office and yet again he pulled up a chair and placed his hand over mine. And just like that I was diagnosed with stage 4 metastatic bowel cancer affecting 6 out of 17 nodes and 6 liver tumours. Incurable but for now treatable. FFS!

My husband crumbled. I asked questions. Lots of direct, give me the worst, type questions. 

How would we tell the kids?! Our youngest is just 9!

I’m not sure if you ever come to terms with a diagnosis like that. On the surface, other than the symptoms that presented I was fit and well and lead a pretty healthy lifestyle. The prospect of having to change my once outdoorsy and active lifestyle was one of the most bitter pills to swallow. Learning not to plan any more than a few weeks ahead would become my new reality. 

Having a sense of humour and a resilience I didn’t even think possible helps me to get up each day and function. That and the huge support network of family, friends and colleagues whose outpouring of love and kindness made a shit situation less daunting. 

After my diagnosis I was handed a booklet for Macmillan. I placed it in a cupboard in my kitchen and chose not to look at it. It was only after a phone call with my doctor where having blubbed down the line until my voice became audible only by dogs, she gently suggested it was time to get some professional support. 

Macmillan Cancer Support is there to help everyone with cancer and their families live life as fully as they can, providing physical, financial and emotional support from the moment of diagnosis through to treatment and beyond. That’s why I have chosen to use my situation to support Macmillan by raising funds and by driving awareness. 

I told my Oncologist I was going to try and run 5k a week to help stay strong - easy right! She laughed and suggested I might want to re-think my goals. The impending extensive course of chemotherapy would make that a challenge. In fact even basic household chores would for now fall to my husband (every cloud)!
But never one to shy away from a challenge I decided to set up this Just Giving page.

It is not lost on me that during setting it up it states the site will automatically expire in 2025. 
My own goal is to try and expire at least beyond that and in the meantime I will keep my body and mind as strong as possible by aiming for the 5k a week, whether running, walking or on my exercise bike. My husband and children who have been incredible throughout all of this, will also be taking part in far more challenging but COVID safe activities such as marathons and show jumping events and we will post regular updates of our progress and journey. 

We would love it if you could support this cause by donating or even taking part in your own challenges and fitness journeys. Don’t forget to share details and photos if you do. 

I have also set up an Instagram account 
@fittobeatcancer 

1 in 2 people will be impacted by cancer in their lifetime. By donating to Macmillan you are helping to educate and provide valuable support to millions of people. 

Thank you for supporting us on our journey. Together we can make a difference. 
#fittobeatcancer

*All of the photos in the montage were taken throughout 2020. I had cancer in all of them. I just didn’t know it. An early diagnosis can save lives.