The little velour baby outfit you see in the cover photo was bought when I was pregnant in 1986.

It was never worn.

Those of you who know my history will know that I suffered two stillbirths before finally being diagnosed with ICP. My mum bought this outfit because my dad (who was always spot on with the sex of my babies) had told her I was having a girl. She gave it to me after Victoria was born because she felt that it might give me hope that another baby would get to wear it.

I never used it when my son Alex was born in 1988, but in 1991 Mum got very excited when Dad announced another girl (he had predicted Alex’s sex correctly). So excited that she bought a whole wardrobe of clothes for girls but didn’t tell me what she’d done.

I can only begin to imagine how she must have felt when Olivia was stillborn. She told me years after Tim was born in 1992 that not long after we announced that there would be no further babies, Dad quietly packed all the girls’ clothes away (because she couldn’t), and they donated them to charity. I think my heart broke a little more the day she told me that.

I kept this outfit because when a baby dies you have very few memories. This little outfit nestles in a box with all the condolence cards that we received for both the girls. I rarely look at it, or the cards, these days but my heart knows the box is there and that comforts me.

This year would have been Olivia’s 30^th birthday (June 24^th) which means that it is also the charity’s 30^th Anniversary because that’s when I started to raise awareness of the condition You may have seen that we have an Appeal for £100k and I know it’s a BIG target, but we need it to fund the work we do, and 40% of it will also go to fund more research into ICP.

I gave a lot of thought to how I could do my bit for the Appeal but if I’m absolutely honest, I am shattered! 30 years is a long time to be raising awareness of a condition like ICP and running the charity, which together with my research job means that this year I am feeling my age! I’m certainly not feeling energetic enough to do something like a skydive, and running is out of the question because of my still-dodgy hip, but I did think about turning my hair lilac as a challenge although
I’d rather not (if I hit my target I may consider doing it - for another £4k 😉)

Why am I asking you all to help me raise £4k? Well, that’s because I’ve had four little itches (I had ICP in all four pregnancies), and without my two live children I am really not sure how I would have coped. I always say that after Olivia died, Alex gave me a reason to get out of bed because you can’t just hide away when you have a toddler to look after, and when Tim was born he gave me back my joy in life again. My boys continue to be my rays of sunshine and I wanted to acknowledge them here too.

Whatever you can give is much appreciated. It will help to support the work that ICP Support does and I thank you from the bottom of my heart.