Baker Mallett Staff Team
Natalie Hill - Back to the 90s
Fundraising for Dame Kelly Holmes Trust
Story
As some of you may have noticed, Baker Mallett are currently 8 months into a partnership with Dame Kelly Holmes Trust, specifically supporting their #startingblockschallenge. You may have already seen members of our staff team completing their own sponsored challenge which, in some way, remembers personal challenges that they have overcome in their life or celebrates a moment or person that inspired them to be the person they are today. This campaign raises awareness and support programmes for young people facing disadvantage and particularly in light of the mental health stats coming out of the pandemic, it has never been more important to lend support to a generation of young people who have had the most extraordinary start to adult life.
I have thought long and hard about this challenge and what it means to me as there are plenty of places I could “go back” to; lots of people that have given me the opportunity to ascend to the top of a work ladder that I never really intended to climb. But in the end, to stay committed to the meaning of this campaign, I have chosen to put myself back in their shoes and go back to my time as a young teen/adult which just so happened to be the lowest point of my life. I have been apprehensive about sharing this information, fearing the external judgement and comment but with the full support and encouragement of the Baker Mallett leadership team, I’m going for it, hoping that my story may touch at least one young person and provide hope and understanding.
At 19, I found myself enrolled on a drama course at Tameside College in Ashton Under Lyne, Greater Manchester. I had managed to achieve good grades in high school and passed my A levels well enough to afford me a route to university. Most importantly, I should explain here that I had done all of that against a backdrop of inexplicable grief. My father had died of lung cancer at 46 (my age now), when I was just 14. Before I’d reached adolescence, I had watched my hardworking postman of a Dad, battle the ugliest of fights every day for two years before finally passing away. I don’t share this information for sympathy but rather to go some way toward an explanation to my state by the time I reached 19 – enrolled on a B Tec at Tameside College when I could have already been at University – with what I now know to be PTSD, on a daily diet of prescription pills for my disordered eating, washed down with several pints of cider and blackcurrant. This particular year, it was accompanied by a concoction of whatever substances I could get my hands on. In short, I’d gone from a young person full of possibility and potential to being completely derailed by one catastrophic event beyond my control. I was lost.
Back then, there was no help available or at least nothing that I knew of for grief counselling, so I coped in whatever way I could. I didn’t know any better and so looked to numbing everything out in whatever way I could to escape painful feelings.
I go back to this particular point in time because when I enrolled on that drama course possibly as escapism, for the first time I met other people openly going through “something” – equally lost and not at their best. We developed friendships of the best kind, based on an acceptance of each other exactly how we were at that moment, seeing in each other what we were unable to see in ourselves. No judgement. No expectation. Just love, hope and encouragement.
The people I met on that course carried me through those two frightening years and I couldn’t have done it without them. I am proud to say that one of those friends just so happens to have ended up climbing his own ladder to become CEO at DKHT. So my challenge, Ben Hilton, is dedicated to you and our brilliant drama group, who propped me up, built me back up and helped me stand on my own two feet again. Thank you. You know what you did.
I’d love to say the story happily ended there but in reality and without any outside organisations like DKHT to help me positively channel my potential and deal with my feelings, it took me another 20 or so years to fully make peace with my past. I firmly believe that had I had access to an organisation like DKHT, then my recovery time would have been significantly reduced – and I perhaps wouldn’t have taken so many ill-advised turns along the way!
So, flash forward to now. 46. Two teenagers of my own. I have done ok for myself thank you very much! And I’m wanting to raise money and help some young people that I feel a real connection to - Should I shoot for the stars? Run 100 miles? Shall I shave my head whilst riding a unicycle dressed as a red eyed tree frog? Or should I simply commit myself to returning to that drama building and those memories in whatever way I can. Without stopping – BMX, run, walk, whatever it takes ….. Shouldn’t I just promise to keep putting one foot in front of the other there and back? Because in the end, isn’t that the real message? To keep going when life gets hard? To lean on your cheerleaders? To ask for help? Because if you can just do that, it doesn’t matter how you get there or how long it takes – the important thing is to try, keep moving forward and know that eventually, everything will be ok.
If you have made it to this point in my story and would like to support me in my 10 mile round trip to Tameside College and back please click the link to donate!
The Dame Kelly Holmes Trust works with world-class athletes who use their experience at the highest levels of sport to mentor young people. Over the next ten years the Trust aims to support 10,000 young people through programmes designed to improve their wellbeing, help them build healthy relationships and establish the confidence, self-esteem and resilience they need to achieve in education, work and life.
I have thought long and hard about this challenge and what it means to me as there are plenty of places I could “go back” to; lots of people that have given me the opportunity to ascend to the top of a work ladder that I never really intended to climb. But in the end, to stay committed to the meaning of this campaign, I have chosen to put myself back in their shoes and go back to my time as a young teen/adult which just so happened to be the lowest point of my life. I have been apprehensive about sharing this information, fearing the external judgement and comment but with the full support and encouragement of the Baker Mallett leadership team, I’m going for it, hoping that my story may touch at least one young person and provide hope and understanding.
At 19, I found myself enrolled on a drama course at Tameside College in Ashton Under Lyne, Greater Manchester. I had managed to achieve good grades in high school and passed my A levels well enough to afford me a route to university. Most importantly, I should explain here that I had done all of that against a backdrop of inexplicable grief. My father had died of lung cancer at 46 (my age now), when I was just 14. Before I’d reached adolescence, I had watched my hardworking postman of a Dad, battle the ugliest of fights every day for two years before finally passing away. I don’t share this information for sympathy but rather to go some way toward an explanation to my state by the time I reached 19 – enrolled on a B Tec at Tameside College when I could have already been at University – with what I now know to be PTSD, on a daily diet of prescription pills for my disordered eating, washed down with several pints of cider and blackcurrant. This particular year, it was accompanied by a concoction of whatever substances I could get my hands on. In short, I’d gone from a young person full of possibility and potential to being completely derailed by one catastrophic event beyond my control. I was lost.
Back then, there was no help available or at least nothing that I knew of for grief counselling, so I coped in whatever way I could. I didn’t know any better and so looked to numbing everything out in whatever way I could to escape painful feelings.
I go back to this particular point in time because when I enrolled on that drama course possibly as escapism, for the first time I met other people openly going through “something” – equally lost and not at their best. We developed friendships of the best kind, based on an acceptance of each other exactly how we were at that moment, seeing in each other what we were unable to see in ourselves. No judgement. No expectation. Just love, hope and encouragement.
The people I met on that course carried me through those two frightening years and I couldn’t have done it without them. I am proud to say that one of those friends just so happens to have ended up climbing his own ladder to become CEO at DKHT. So my challenge, Ben Hilton, is dedicated to you and our brilliant drama group, who propped me up, built me back up and helped me stand on my own two feet again. Thank you. You know what you did.
I’d love to say the story happily ended there but in reality and without any outside organisations like DKHT to help me positively channel my potential and deal with my feelings, it took me another 20 or so years to fully make peace with my past. I firmly believe that had I had access to an organisation like DKHT, then my recovery time would have been significantly reduced – and I perhaps wouldn’t have taken so many ill-advised turns along the way!
So, flash forward to now. 46. Two teenagers of my own. I have done ok for myself thank you very much! And I’m wanting to raise money and help some young people that I feel a real connection to - Should I shoot for the stars? Run 100 miles? Shall I shave my head whilst riding a unicycle dressed as a red eyed tree frog? Or should I simply commit myself to returning to that drama building and those memories in whatever way I can. Without stopping – BMX, run, walk, whatever it takes ….. Shouldn’t I just promise to keep putting one foot in front of the other there and back? Because in the end, isn’t that the real message? To keep going when life gets hard? To lean on your cheerleaders? To ask for help? Because if you can just do that, it doesn’t matter how you get there or how long it takes – the important thing is to try, keep moving forward and know that eventually, everything will be ok.
If you have made it to this point in my story and would like to support me in my 10 mile round trip to Tameside College and back please click the link to donate!
The Dame Kelly Holmes Trust works with world-class athletes who use their experience at the highest levels of sport to mentor young people. Over the next ten years the Trust aims to support 10,000 young people through programmes designed to improve their wellbeing, help them build healthy relationships and establish the confidence, self-esteem and resilience they need to achieve in education, work and life.
