I didn't realise I was in a domestic abusive relationship, until I broke down in my doctors office, my anxiety was consuming me,  I blurted out that I had come downstairs, the day after Boxing Day, 2017, to find all my Christmas Presents, given to me by my then partner had gone, with a text to say "'I didn't deserve them as I hadn't put enough thought into his presents and he was getting them refunded", which he did, he also cut the internet off and ignored me and refused to speak to me for the next 3 weeks, making sure to slam the door as hard as he could when leaving for work every day, frightening my son. 

I remember asking my son, one morning after he slammed the door at 6am, if it made him jump, my son looked so sad and said "no Mummy, I knew he was going to do it". I'll never forget that.

My intuitive doctor informed me that this was domestic abuse and gave me a card for a Domestic Abuse drop in centre. I eventually plucked up the courage to go to the drop in centre and this is where my journey started with the Rising Sun. On that first of many visits, I picked up a leaflet, it had about 10 questions on it, which said, if you can answer yes to more than 2 of these questions, your partner is abusing you. It was a real lightbulb moment, I answered yes to 9 of the questions. 

Through their help and programmes, I secretly started attending, I began to realise over a period of 2 years how the abuse had first started, the red flags I'd missed and how slowly the control and manipulation had started. 

I was vulnerable when I first met my ex-partner, I was a single mum and had recently lost my mother and also lost my brother to cancer quite early in our relationship. He had persuaded me to move away from the little support I did have and the security of my own home, to buy our dream home in the country, he convinced me it would be better to put the house in his name as we might not get the mortgage we needed if he had dependants. We were supposed to be getting married so I didn't think it was an issue, not realising that this gave me absolutely no rights and him the power to lock me out the house, everytime he decided I needed to be punished.

Over time, I completely lost my confidence, to the point I had to give up my business, I was suffering from overwhelming anxiety and low self-esteem. I spent the summer of 2017 in a women's refuge with my then 8 year old son, I left while he was at work, I was a complete mess and sobbing uncontrollably, my good friend, took control and helped me get my stuff packed up and put into storage.

My ex partner, after 3 months apart, contacted me and begged me to return, making all the right noises, that he could now see that his behaviour was abusive, he loved us and he was having counselling. I went back, still traumatised by everything, but really believing he had changed. The first few weeks, he was the perfect partner, being attentive to my son and supportive of me. I had left school with no qualifications and had decided to do an access college course, so I could go to University. I was busy studying and writing essays, when by Halloween he had completely reverted back to being abusive, screaming and foaming at the mouth at me while I was trying to type my essays, it got so bad that I told him it was over and we would start looking for somewhere else to live,  but he cruelly threw us out, he gave me 6 days to get out and said he had booked a locksmith to change the locks, with nothing but a bag of clothes, we left, he changed the locks, so I couldn't retrieve my belongings and refused to help me financially. I lost everything and he has kept many sentimental belongings of mine.

It was 3 weeks before Christmas, 2018, I had no money, I was homeless, I had to go to the council offices and ask to be housed, it was so humiliating, I kept breaking down, my poor sons world, yet again had completely collapsed. who does that to a child, 3 weeks before Christmas?. It seemed my ex had got his revenge for me leaving  the first time. My sons mental health fell apart, he was angry and confused and I was a complete mess myself. My college gave me extensions on my work, my fellow students were so supportive and helped me in every way they could. 

We were in temporary housing for 9 months, it was extremely tough, I felt like the worst mum and a complete failure, but we now are settled in our own home, I have attended many courses for children who have experienced D.A and recovery courses and have counselling, all through the Rising Sun. We both have P.T.S.D and my son has weekly counselling. We are slowly rebuilding our lives and recovering from our ordeal. I am now a full time mature student in my 2nd year at University and my son has just passed his 11+.

DA isn't something you just get over, I hear people say, 'ohh  I would never put up with that'. It isn't something that is obvious in the beginning of a relationship, if someone took me on a date and started screaming in my face and putting me down, I would hardly go on a second date would I? It is a gradual thing, that happens over time, that erodes your mental wellbeing. It can happen to anyone, any class, any culture, any profession, any age. 

I have met some truly amazing women from the Rising Sun courses I have attended and made some great friends, we have all experienced different types of D.A, I have heard some devastating stories, and we continue to support each other, we laugh and we cry, as we get it, we understand each other, we are all survivors and thanks to the Rising Sun, we got out, we are safe and our children are safe.

I will be forever grateful to the wonderful staff at the Rising Sun. I hope I can raise some much needed money for them to continue their important life changing work.

Thank you for visiting my Just Giving page.Your donations will help Rising Sun Domestic Violence & Abuse Service support women and children affected by domestic abuse. Including Outreach Support, Counselling, awareness groups in schools, training for agencies on domestic abuse, children's activities, Creche, legal advice and help for families seeking refuge.

https://www.facebook.com/110226283973341/live/

I have wanted to do this since the first lockdown, especially as the number of people experiencing Domestic Abuse has risen dramatically during this time, but my mental health has been a struggle and also I have been scared that I will be mocked, I have also felt embarrassed for telling my story, I know now that I have nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed of, so I am doing this!!

I will be singing a selection of fun singalong songs and Christmas songs 'live from my living room' on Sunday 13th December at 7pm via my facebook page. 

https://www.facebook.com/Mitchy-Stevens-Singing-live-from-my-living-room-110226283973341