This is a picture of me and my younger brother Adam. It is one of my favourites of the two of us and was taken at my mum and stepdad's wedding in 2018.

On the 7th of June 2019 my younger brother Adam died. He wasn't sick, he didn't commit suicide, he wasn't in a car crash or any of those other terrible ways you hear about young people dying. We believe that he had a fatal epileptic seizure. Though a coroner will make that final judgement.

To add to the horror my mother was away and I was the only other person at home. I immediately called the ambulance and followed their instructions to form to perform CPR for the 10 minutes or so until the paramedics came. But as they arrived they confirmed what I already knew but clutched at not believing. 

Someone asked the other day if people could feel emotional pain physically and I can only describe the pain that I experienced in this moment as being cleaved in two.  What followed was just as horrific as I made the phone calls no person should ever have to make. 

The months that have followed have been the most testing of my life. I have broken down crying every single day since the 7th of June at some point; during a meal, when I take a shower, sitting on the toilet, during a workout, listening to a song. But that doesn't really help, what helps is to keep on living the best way I know how. To keep moving forward with things I find personally engaging and trying to live a full and meaningful life. 

In the interest of that, me, my mum, other members of our family and Adam’s friends will be running the Bath Half Marathon on Sunday 15th March (a race my brother ran in 2017 and 2019). We will be running as team ‘Adam Foulkes’ to raise funds for the charity SUDEP Action, a charity that has supported my family and especially my mum through this dreadful time. 

I have looked at these words every day and failed to find the words to talk about Adam as I would like, so I'd like to leave you with the words I spoke at my brother’s funeral because I think they do a good job of saying what kind of person he was………

“Thank you all for coming we appreciate everyone who has come to be with us today. I know Adam would've been honoured to see you so many of you wonderful people here.

When I started working on what I would say I was thinking how no one ever has anything ill to say of the dead and I thought what would I say bad about Adam if I want to. Do you know what came to mind? Nothing, no, really. 

Growing up with Adam as a brother was frustrating because he was such a perfect kid, he made the rest of us look awful. We've often joked that after raising me and Lewis, mum deserved a kid like Adam. Adam was a kid you never had to worry about him because he made life look easy.  Everything he set his mind to he excelled at;  school, sports, socially. There was no part of Adam’s life that didn't get his full effort. Adam managed to graduate with a 2:1 from one of the best courses in the country for his degree while still maintaining a very tough four nights a week drinking schedule. He really re-defined what it meant to work hard and play hard. 

So I wanted to share a story with everyone today. And that is the story of the last day of Adam’s life because I think it does a great job of showing who Adam was as a person and a brother.

Adam’s last day started like the rest of the days he spent at home that week. He came down and asked if I wanted breakfast, I of course did, I made the coffee he, made the food. At the time I had recently broken up with a girlfriend and wasn't in the happiest place.  Adam knowing this told me he was going down to the pub that night to watch the England game, and that I should absolutely come down with him and the guys. I reluctantly agreed, knowing I'd probably worm my way out of it and find a way to staying in my room. Adam went to the park to play football with his friends, he got in touch later in the afternoon “make sure you come down we're going to be there at seven”. Six thirty comes and I've completely forgotten about it, my phone goes and it's Adam, “we're going to be there shortly, head down now”.  Guess what, I wasn't getting out of this one and so sure enough we head down to the pub to watch the England game. At half-time we decided that England's goal wasn't celebrated with enough fervour and that when England got a second goal we were going to raise the roof. Sure enough as soon as the ball hit the back of the net, to the annoyance of pretty much everyone else in the place, we were the loudest people in the room; standing on the chairs, a few pints went flying and for anyone who watched the women’s World Cup game true to form the VAR was there to kill our celebrations and disallowed the goal. But we had committed to the celebration, we had given that that one our all and there was no doubting that! The evening ended with a few friends and a few beers back at the house, chilling out and playing some Xbox. Nothing crazy, nothing over the top, just people Adam loved and stuff Adam loved doing and I take so much comfort in knowing that Adam’s last day was a truly happy one.

When I think about my final memories of Adam I won't think of the horrific robbery that is his death, I'll think about a brother who cared enough to make sure I was alright and the brother surrounded by friends who loved the hell out of him. It's incredibly hard to take a situation like this and find anything positive in it but I think we can all draw from Adam as a person, keeping him close in our hearts and remember next time you don't really feel like it or you can't really be bothered just put the effort in whether it's to go out with friends, to apply for a job, go for a run, whatever it is think of Adam and try harder. I hope that in my life I can be someone who makes life look as easy as Adam did and that I am loved by half as many people as loved him”.

Thank you for reading this and I hope you will support us by making a donation to spur us on.

There is a link to the Adam Foulkes team page below where you see all of us in the team, and learn more about the charity SUDEP Action. 

https://www.justgiving.com/team/adamfoulkes?fbclid=IwAR2WqYRAmpoyoeeRJhTaub2hPIlBZpKt8YEGyjYI02HZSkdNZSI6o0gPTBA