Nacoa (The National Association for Children of Alcoholics) is a Bristol based charity founded in 1990 to provide help and support for everyone affected by a parent’s drinking. They believe that every child has the right to a happy childhood and to live a creative and meaningful life but when drink is the family secret they are more likely to experience family violence, neglect and other problems in their own homes.

I grew up in a household blighted by alcoholism. It took me until my early 30s to come up with the words to articulate it, and the maturity to address it.

I remember holidays, birthdays and graduations ruined by chaos, embarrassment and distress. Days made miserable for everyone involved. The shame of being on the receiving end of lost tempers, tantrums, and low-level neglect — more bluntly described as “abuse”. The silent treatment, punctuated with lengthy, poisonous lectures about trivial things.

Never feeling good enough, and rarely feeling safe.

Alcoholic parents leave deep, indelible marks on their children’s lives, even long after those sons and daughters become adults. Children of alcoholics often don’t fully realise the predicament they are in at the time, as it is all they know.

In the first two weeks of lockdown in spring 2020, NACOA saw the calls to its helplines double compared with 2019.

As Covid dragged on into the winter and tougher restrictions came in, the issues raised by children phoning NACOA include increased reports of aggression in the home, more calls from people with suicidal thoughts, and concerns that the media “is not responding to their problems”.

Three statistics illustrate the scale and the urgency of the issue:

• 1 in 5 children in the UK are affected by their parents' alcohol problems.  
• 70% of these children will try to hide the problem from the outside world.
• Children of alcohol-dependent parents are six times more likely to experience abuse and violence in the home. 

Many of my colleagues, friends and relatives have the benefit of strong support groups, and have learnt lessons from painful experience to manage melancholy periods in later life. But not everyone is equipped with such tools.

It has become more vital than ever to keep the children of alcoholics in the collective national consciousness in 2021 — and to remember those who have no one to advocate for them.

Thank you for taking the time to read this, and I am grateful for your support.