What I've written below is what I wrote when I signed up to the half marathon, Finn was happily sleeping in my arms and there was hope in our future. Losing him has broken my heart, and while my image of being met at the finish line by a frazzled Paul with my 2 boys will never be, I'm determined to carry on and run through my tears in his memory instead. I've left the text unchanged as a reminder to myself as much as others of the positives we experienced over Finn's short life.

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Our Finn was born with a blocked bowel at 34 weeks. He was a titch, but the most beautiful little titch i've ever seen (equal only to his big brother Rory of course). He immediately got whipped off out of my sight and so began our journey. Details aren't really needed, what's important is that between the Simpons neonatal unit at the royal infirmary and the royal hospital for sick kids they've looked after my baby ever since. Beyond just that they somehow guided me and Paul through the worst period of our lives, knew when to give us difficult information straight up, knew when to sugarcoat it and knew when to just put an arm round our shoulders.

It was with a sense of frustration, frustration at not being able to look after Finn myself, frustration at not being able to truly express my gratitude to those around me, frustration at not beng able to be the mum to Rory I once was, and frustration at spending yet another day just sitting and watching others know more about my child than me, that I decided I needed to do 'SOMETHING!'. Being somewhat constrained by a newborn and a toddler I decided swimming the channel was out for this year and went for the tamer more achievable option of a half marathon that finishes 5 minutes walk from my house. 

Don't sponsor me because I'm running, I've done that before and I assure you this time will be slower, sponsor me because it's for a good cause. Having spent Christmas in a children's ward I now appreciate more than I ever did before not just the medical side of a hospital but the importance of a clown doctor to make someone smile, of santa arriving at midnight right on schedule and of facilities so parents don't ever have to leave a sick child's side. Sponsor that. 

There isn't anything I can say or do to really show my true appreciation for the people who've helped our family over this time but this is my small attempt.

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