Chestnut Tree House is a children’s charity providing hospice care and community support for children and young people with life-shortening conditions.There are hundreds of children and young people in your local community who are unlikely to reach adulthood.

My name is Kay Channon. I’m a 31 year old published Poet studying for a PhD within the Theatre Department at the University of Chichester in West Sussex. I was born with Cerebral Palsy, a neurological condition that results in permanent brain damage. In other words, my brain and my muscles have a different traffic light system to most people. I can go from green to red very quickly, often without having any control over it. Sometimes I get stuck on amber, meaning it just takes me a little longer to reach my stop or go points. Living with Cerebral Palsy, alongside my other conditions, makes me extremely vulnerable to Covid 19.

Cerebral Palsy is very difficult to define because it manifests itself differently from person to person, depending on which parts of the brain are damaged and for how long . For example, I use a wheelchair to move around and others don’t need to. Some use technology to speak. Whereas, when I have enough breath, I reveal my Dorset accent strong and true. I was born early and wasn’t breathing so my brain went for quite a long time without oxygen. My Mum was told my chances of survival were slim, but going to university has really helped me discover my gifts and become proud of who I am.

I love to read, write, listen to music, (mostly odd bands not many people have heard of) study paintings, watch plays and think a lot.Often these passions are interrupted by my complex health needs, illnesses, and unexpected hospital admissions. Cerebral palsy is a lifelong condition, as are my other conditions that I take medication for. This means that each day is a constant juggling act between different consultants, passive and active treatments, studying, and just finding time to enjoy the moment.

It wasn't until 2015, less than 48 hours before one of my unexpected hospital admissions, that my first significant poem was written. The poem was called The Dark Side of Light. It later became the title of my debut poetry collection which was published in 2017 by Bardic Media. It would have never been written if it wasn’t for an amazing teacher (now my PhD supervisor) who when I was studying for my Masters Degree, praised me for writing a piece of text, with lots of different voices and shifts in it. I sent it to him via email one evening. He loved it and said it reminded him of a poem called Four Quartets by T.S Eliot. Four Quartets was a real light bulb moment for me. It was the first time I’d actually wept whilst reading a poem. It opened the door to so many thoughts and feelings I’d been trying to express for years. It is a poem that speaks profoundly about time, in terms of the past, present, and future.Through Four Quartets I also found The Waste Land.

These two poems literally blew my mind. I just sat down one evening, shortly after, and decided that I wanted to try and write something like these two poems. I’ve never really stopped writing poetry since. Sometimes they never make it onto paper and just drift through my mind like passing clouds as I lay in a hospital bed.

Poetry allows me to express experiences that surpass everyday language, to connect with things on a level that I could never access if someone just asked me a straightforward question, like, How do you feel about that? Or what do you think of this tree or this painting? I can state my emotions without having to strain my brain to define what they are. Poetry comes like the waves of a rolling sea. It makes sense to me in the way that music does. For example, there are many layers to one song. Even if it only contains one instrument, to write a song is a process which is so complex and multi-layered, it cannot remain in one dimension for too long. There has to be an echo and a seed, sometimes all at once.

Another thing which always amazes me about poetry, is what happens when you share it with someone. Even if it comes from a place of great personal pain, a reader or listener can gain something positive from it. We all go through so many different experiences in our lives and I truly believe there is not just one state of mind or body. I think poetry has the ability to cross all of these boundaries. It can never just stay as a cluster of lines on a piece of paper. I think that’s why I love it so much.This fundraising idea came to me in the mist of the night or the early morning, depending on your perspective. One of the most difficult things for me to deal with during the lockdown, was knowing and watching so many people suffer at a distance and not being able to do anything to help them. I know first-hand what it’s like to be in hospital with severe breathing problems and not be able to eat, drink or swallow anything. I'm often treated in hospital for chest infections like pneumonia because I have an immune system disorder.

As Covid 19 began to choke the world, I felt like all my gifts had become useless and completely overwhelmed with worry for others. My walls couldn’t talk, but often they were the only ones listening. I had this whole conversation with myself which went something like...So tonight you read a new poem over a Facebook live feed…Great… But what did that actually do? There are so many people like you, with extreme medical vulnerabilities that can’t leave the house. They are just alone with a Carer or Key workers. All you’ve done is made then feel happier for about ten minutes...Then what? They’re back to square one with the same problems…

I was then reminded of all the times I had been in hospital unable to help another patient because of my own illnesses and how distressing that had been. The sheer injustice of it all just struck me like an arrow in the heart...Tears started to roll down my face…Hours passed...It just felt like I was frozen in a moment of pure sorrow. Exhausted, I picked up my phone and whispered to myself, that’s It...Time. Like many, I was struggling with the current situation, but as far as I knew, I had the time to struggle, to understand and try to deal with it, but others did not…Past experiences and friendships have taught me that. So maybe there was a way my poetry could benefit people in this terrible situation, if I used it to raise a smile for children who needed to live their best life now, because that was all their parents could be sure of. From this moment, the idea of working with a children’s hospice was born.

I chose to support this charity because of the smiles on the Children’s faces…The pure joy and engagement that they got from being at Chestnut Tree House was paramount and undeniable, right from the first click on the Facebook page and website. The respite facilities this charity provides are also a truly amazing and vital service. They remind me of when I was a teenager and had to spend six months in a hospital and of the effort that was made to make the rooms look vibrant and bring me games to encourage active play.

I also have a friend Brian Lobel, who speaks a lot about his experiences of having Cancer as a teenager. He even wrote a play about. He is now a Professor and Drama Workshop Leader. Therefore, I know that getting the right support at such a difficult time is key and that it extends beyond the buildings into the community.

It was this particular thought process the was the deal breaker. I had to lift the phone and talk to someone. I had to see if there was anything I could do to help. When a certain donation point is reached, you will get to see and hear me perform the next verse of the poem. When we have reached the target, you will hear it in full from start to finish. I will be performing the poem in sections, via Facebook live streams and saving them to my SoundCloud account. The first milestone we have to hit is £50. Until then the first part of the poem will remain hidden inside my private notebook.

Please give what you can and ease the impact of Covid 19 on the Children and their families that rely on these vital hospice services. The now is all they have. So let's help lift the darkness and let the sun shine through.

Thank you for your support!