On 4th September 2022, Rob and I became parents to our perfect little boy, Aidan.

He arrived 3 months early at just 27+4 weeks, with no warning but with no obvious medical complications - it seems my cervix just couldn't hold him in any longer. 

Aidan arrived into the world crying and wriggling, but was soon rushed off to the NICU so he could receive the best care while he continued to grow and get stronger.

Day by day Aidan got stronger, and was off the ventilator and onto a cpap mask in just a couple of days. While we're on this subject - have a Google of premature baby cpap masks - I never knew something so small existed!

By the time Aidan was a week old, he no longer had jaundice, he was getting stronger and was being fed with my milk, albeit through a feeding tube. He really was starting to show us his personality - strong, brave, determined and very impatient... definitely a Wells-Hursey 💙

At this stage, we were both well aware that with Aidan being such a tiny baby he might have some complications while in the NICU, but having never experienced anything like this before, and having only known a couple of people who's babies had spent a spell in the NICU, this all felt completely surreal to us, and it was hard to really take in the enormity of our situation.

Aidan's long line was taken out a couple of days later (this is the IV line which gave Aidan some extra nutrients while his tummy got used to my milk), and at this point he was tested for infections, which all came back clear. It had been explained to us that infections are one of the worst things for premature babies, as their bodies are often not strong enough to fight them. That would also explain why no visitors are allowed in the NICU - just parents and grandparents.

On day 10 of our little boys life, he was upgraded to the HDU (high dependency unit) as he was doing so well. He was pooing regularly, keeping down most of my milk, and was putting on some weight. We were and will always be so proud of Aidan and how strong he was 💕

The most amazing thing happened on day 12 - Rob and I entered the HDU and Aidan had been taken off the cpap and was instead on high flow oxygen. We could see his hair! And his ears! He'd been wearing a hat since he was taken to the NICU so this was the first time since he was born that we were able to see all of him, and he was so perfect.

We spent that whole day and evening with him, as we had for the past 11 days too, and we must have cuddled him for hours. He would cry a little as he was taken out of his incubator, but as soon as he was on either Rob or I, he would settle instantly. We held his hand, stroked his head, and patted his bum as it wiggled - it was the perfect day with our perfect boy 💙

We left the hospital at 9pm that evening (Aidan had been moved from Margate to Ashford the day he was born as the NICU facilities are better equipped), and we went home with a spring in our step and feeling confident that Aidan would be home soon. We really did believe he would be ok.

Then on Saturday 17th September we received a call at around 7am to say that Aidan was poorly and had been placed back in the NICU and on a ventilator, but that he was stable. I remember thinking that this must be the up and down journey of a premature baby we were told about, and that he would be ok as long as he was being cared for.

Aidan died that afternoon in our arms, at just 13 days old, from an infection he couldn't fight and nobody knew he had. Our brave and strong little boy was gone, just like that.

If you're reading this and you have experienced a loss like ours, then you'll understand how lonely losing a baby can be. It can be hard for people to know what to say to grieving parents in fear of upsetting them further, and for some people, baby death is a subject they'd rather not think about. I get that - I hadn't given it much thought either over the years. 

This is where SANDS came to my rescue. I joined the online forum and we attended a local meeting, where we met other bereaved parents and could openly talk about Aidan in a way we weren't ready to with our friends and family. 

The online forum also felt like a safe space to vent about my feelings, with no judgement and nobody telling me how things would get better with time. I didn't (and still don't) need platitudes, I wanted people to agree with me how cruel the world is for taking our baby, and to truly understand the pain I was feeling, still am feeling.

There is also a SANDS dad's Facebook group, which Rob joined - a brilliant idea as mum's/dad's/men/women can think very differently and often need different support networks. 

Absolutely nothing we do can bring our boy back, so we want to make sure that he is not forgotten, that he is loved and remembered and talked about all the time, by as many people as possible. He deserves to be known, and for people to understand that although we don't have him at home with us, we are still his parents and will always always love him ❤️ 

Aidan Wells-Hursey you are perfect and we are so grateful you chose us to be your mummy and daddy xxxxx

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