The phone call you never want to have, the drive home from work you never want to have, the wait in the doctors surgery you never want to have, the life shattering conversation you never want to have. Frantic, petrified and trying to stay strong all at the same time (they've got it wrong surely?) having to pick a hospital and consultant in minutes, "can't we do some research first?" No time. 

That night we packed a bag and went straight to the the BMI wing at Kingston hospital, studio 18, we called it. The nurses, doctors, catering and house services were all just brilliant it was like having an extended family. There are two people that went over and above, two people that put Toms mind at ease: Lesley Chamberlin, the specialist nurse who administered Chemo…or as Tom and Lesley joked…The Poison Nurse! And the Night Doctor Edwin. When on shift Tom was restful and peaceful and I knew there would be no midnight calling, Tom would sleep and so would I. Tom also built a good relationship with his Consultant Dr Zebari, he was a blood oncologist that sadly lost his own wife to a rare form of blood cancer. 

Tom was in isolation for 4/5 weeks at a time, not allowed to leave his room as the chemo stripped his immune system. Even the slightest sore throat or sniff would put him at risk. Tom seeing Archie was the toughest thing, I wanted to keep Tom safe but equally he wanted to see his son. Archie always bounded into Combe wing laughing and waving at everyone, completely oblivious to what was really going on.  As Toms treatment pushed forward we started to get ready for the Stem Cell transplant at UCLH, the only private wing dedicated to blood cancers, people come from all over the world to get treatment here, surely it's the best place? Toms team found a stem cell match some amazing person who was willing to undergo risks in order to save Toms life…who is this person? We will never know. 

Sadly Tom relapsed just after Xmas, he knew something was wrong, he didn't feel right. Answering the phone to 'the scariest man in the world' feeling numb and thinking 'How is Tom going to cope with this' Pack a bag and come straight up….words I've heard before. Although scary I knew if anyone was going to get Tom out of trouble it would be Professor Mackinnon. 15 floors up, Toms new home, my new home. I guess my phobia of lifts seemed irrelevant now. The chemo really took its toll this time around, Tom spent most of the time in bed (and felt bad for doing this) and then he caught an infection which led to pneumonia. Tom was admitted into Intensive care "only going to be in here for a few days babe," and he believed me. Every consultant that entered that room was told how amazing Tom was and please save his life. A male nurse told me that Tom is very poorly now, he needs to be put on a ventilator I suggest you say your goodbyes while he can still hear you….I guess I got closure because he squeezed my thumb... I'm sure he did. There was a big whiteboard in the corridor outside Toms room…'days till passed'….I watched it day by day increase 4,5,6,7,8,9 I guess it then went back down to 0 again. A statistic. That was UCLH..shiny, smart but soulless.

Life without Tom will never be the same again, trying to re-build my life without Tom is very difficult. Its very easy to keep busy but Tom and I were good at doing nothing and it's those times I miss the most. He would have wanted me to concentrate on something and Tom being Tom was a natural sportsman…... so I run and do a bit of Yoga when I can. 

For those who think I'm sporty, yes probably right but believe me I was a sprinter at school and have never run more than 2 laps of the track! So this has been a challenge and I really hope I get round (if not I've got lots of refunding to do!). I ran 8 miles the other day and I feel like my knees need gluing together! HELP! how am I going to do it. This is nothing compared to what Tom went through…of course I can do it. 

AML is such a tricky disease, 25-50% of people will live up to 5 years after diagnoses and treatment, some will survive but a massive 50% will relapse. A Stem cell raises your chances of complete cure.

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