Thanks for taking the time to visit my JustGiving page.

 

14 years after losing the love of my life

On December the 27th you would have been celebrating your 18th birthday this year, so I wanted to do something special in remembrance of you.

 

 

When I sit quietly, this little voice keeps telling me I need to continue to raise awareness and fundraise in your memory. I feel it’s my duty to tell the world about CRY and to try my very best to help reduce the number of tragic young deaths. Death has to eventually come to us all but to lose your child, well that just does not seem right. Your child is your world, your everything, your life.

 

 

You have to learn how to build a new life and that takes great strength and courage.

 

 

People say time is a great healer - I do not believe that to be true. You have to be your own healer and learn how to forgive yourself for not knowing that your child was born with a heart defect. I punished and blamed myself for 3 years after my son's tragic sudden death - if I had not learned him how to ride his bike; if I had not gone walking up the hills with him; if I would have carried him more, I would not have tired his little heart out. If I had known how to do CPR properly.

 

 

 

So many ifs, buts and whys!

 

 

But not any more. I’m so pleased that I taught you how to ride your bike, go climbing up the hills, because I have those memories to treasure forever. We shared quite a few wonderful holidays in your short life and I relive them over and over. They make me happy and sad at the same time.

 

 

You taught me what unconditional love means. I remember when you were first born in your little incubator and we stared at each other for hours. I couldn't believe you were mine. I have that love in my heart and I shall feel it forever. In fact, my heart could burst with love for you. I know you can feel it wherever you are! As I feel yours.

 

 

I have accepted that my heart will continue to break for you, but I have learnt over the years that I can mend it.

 

 

The love I feel for you is indescribable; and also the love you send to me, well that is truly magical. As I'm writing I can feel your energy surrounding me.

 

 

So after 14 years, I feel so proud to have been your mum and I thank you for bringing so much love into my life.

 

 

And now, yes, I am listening to that voice in my head and planning a Latin Dance Matinee in memory of you. We shall reduce the number of young sudden deaths I promise you that.

 

 

Until we meet again my darling, I send all my love to you