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In May 2004 we were overjoyed (after being told we would never have children) to find out we were pregnant with our first child.  The pregnancy progressed well however in the August our joy turned to sadness when following the routine 16 week blook tests we were told the tests showed high risk Spina Bifida.  We were immediately sent for a scan where our worst fears were confirmed and we will never forget hearing the words "your baby has Spina Bifida" because it was the moment our lives fell apart.  Our longed for and much loved baby was ill ~ Why? Why Us? What had we done wrong?  We were referred the following day to a fetal expert at Kings College Hospital, London.  It was at this time that the severity of the problem was reconfirmed.  Our little one had a serious form of Spina Bifida combined with hydrocephalus (fluid of the brain) and Arnold Chiari malformation.  The information presented us with a decision no parent should ever have to make, the idea of having to end our "little ones" life before it had hardly begun.  How could we do that to someone we had waited so long for and who we already loved so much.  The Doctors we saw were amazing and we were informed that our "little ones" problems were so severe that he/she would never survive and even if they survived the birth the outlook was bleak with them having no function whatsoever, not even knowing that we were their daddy and mummy.  

We still remember the heart wrenching words we had to say when the decision had to be made ~ those words too will stay with us forever, it was words we never dreamt we would ever have to say.  

Just 5 days after having had the scan and our world being shattered Tracey gave bith to our son.  We held him in our amrs - so tiny but to us perfect in everyway.  We chose to call him our "Little Man" as at just 175grms the names we liked just seemed too big for someone so small.

From the day we found out to the day of his birth we had been on a rollercoaster and in a kind of daze.  It was afterwards that all our emotions kicked in - the main one being guilt.  We felt we had no-one to talk to, other than close family, and that people would judge regarding the decision we made.  However upon looking through literature given to us during everything we finally went onto the ARC Forum where we found - unfortunately - we were not alone.  Tracey especially was able to talk to people who had also had to make the same heartbreaking decisions for the same reasons - it was a chance to open up without feeling judged and it also gave us hope.

This is the first time we have told our story to so many at once and if it wasn't for ARC and the friends we made we would still feel unable to talk about it now.  They helped us to realise - although we always knew - that the decision we made was the right decision.  People are always quick to judge but until you are in that position you do not know what you would do.

On 29 April 2012 I am running the Milton Keynes Marathon and I would like to raise some money to give something back to a charity that was of great support at a time we needed it most.  If I can help raise awareness of ARC's excellent work and potentially ease the suffering of other expectant mums and dad - what a positive thing that would be. 

Donating through JustGiving is simple, fast and totally secure. Your details are safe with JustGiving – they’ll never sell them on or send unwanted emails. Once you donate, they’ll send your money directly to the charity and make sure Gift Aid is reclaimed on every eligible donation by a UK taxpayer. So it’s the most efficient way to donate - I raise more, whilst saving time and cutting costs for the charity.

So please dig deep and donate now.