When I applied for a charity place with The Miscarriage Association to run the London Marathon in March 2019 I had absolutely no idea how life changing it would be. Having the confidence and courage to share my story had given me such a sense of release. It finally gave me the opportunity to accept, to heal and to feel confident talking about my past. It was truly liberating.

When we found out in March 2021 we were over 8 weeks pregnant it was certainly quite a shock and totally unexpected. We had been told that after our 4 miscarriages that I had the ovaries of a 50-year-old and that early menopause was likely, so you can imagine how this news practically floored us!

Initially we didn’t take it too seriously - we had no hope or expectation and were realistic about the outcome of pregnancy in someone of my age and with my history. We also didn’t want to get too invested, all to aware that the longer the pregnancy continued the harder it would be to accept if things went wrong. There were no celebrations, no big announcements, and we decided not to share our news publicly. We took it day by day and only told people when we felt comfortable to. We had a lot of support from our families and close friends and were grateful to be in peoples’ thoughts and prayers.

Internally it was a struggle and as the weeks went by it was very stressful, and I was hugely anxious. I know a lot of people enjoy pregnancy and walk around with that external ‘glow’ but when you have experienced loss this is something that is often taken from you. I reached out to the amazing Miscarriage Association marathon running group that we had formed and the support I received was amazing. They put me in contact with one of their support groups; Pregnancy After Loss and I also spent time talking with one of the other runners who had been through a similar experience. She understood why I was spending more time thinking about how I would bury my baby instead of bringing him home. It was comforting to talk to someone who had been in my shoes and who understood the importance of self-preservation. I was also given support and advice about how (and when) to share our news with Riley. We were very clear with him; not all babies get to come home. We felt bad that we didn’t let him get too excited, but it was important that we managed all our expectations.

On the 23rd September 2021 we were beyond grateful to welcome another happy and healthy little boy into this world. I am under no illusion as to how extremely lucky we are. 

Having the support of the Miscarriage Association and individual members of the running group really was a huge help to me in manging this pregnancy and keeping myself sane. Although Covid-19 had stopped us all from running together in 2020, I did raise £2600 (£3000 with gift aid) with my first fundraising page so thank you. Please know that every penny you kindly donated went directly to the charity in supporting all the amazing work that they do. The Miscarriage Association wants to reduce the taboo of pregnancy loss which they say can have the biggest impact on problems of loneliness, lack of understanding and poor support. They want to make sure that everyone affected by pregnancy loss gets the care, support and information that is right for them and for that they continue to need your donations.

So here I am again. The Miscarriage Association are giving me another opportunity to go to London and run this October. They were under no obligation to offer me another place because like a lot of charities, they were hit hard during the pandemic and their capacity to fundraise was hugely affected. But they genuinely care about their supporters and wanted to allow each of us to have our moment. 

A lot has changed since I started training over 2 years ago. I’m older, heavier, a lot slower, I get less sleep and I have a lot less free time. So this really will be a huge challenge.

I know my family and friends are proud of me already and I have nothing to prove. But I am keen to finish what I started and fulfil the commitment that I made. I want to help the Miscarriage Association recoup some of the money they have lost, and I want to help to continue to raise their profile. They are an amazing charity, and I am hugely grateful for all that they have done to support me.