Thanks for taking the time to visit my JustGiving page.

It has taken me a long time to be able to even write the following sentence but here goes.

On the night of the 3rd April 2019, I was raped.

I don't really talk about what happened to me, partly because we're conditioned to be embarrassed about it or feel like it's our fault, and partly because I don't ever want anyone to think of me as being as powerless and weak as I felt that night. But also partly because of some of the reactions and comments that I have experienced since.

It happened after a networking event that I attended for work. The guy who did it was a contractor that I'd known for 5 years at the time, he was married and had a small child.

I ran 10 minutes from a taxi to my hotel room to get away as I was feeling uncomfortable but the colleague I was with said he'd brought the guy to the hotel and told him which room I was staying in.

My manager at the time told me that as soon as I'd left the networking event and gone to a bar with 20+ other networkers (which was not unusual and something I'd done at countless other networking events) that it was no longer a work event but a "piss up", to leave my "issues" outside of the office, that the workplace was for work and not personal problems, and that because I'd let what happened affect my work I'd clearly lost my love of recruitment so it "might be best to just shake hands and part ways" which is basically recruitment agency code for "we can't sack you for this, but we'd love to if it was legal, so we think you should resign or we'll manage you out"

The same manager took me into a 121 meeting and told me to "stop shouting about it" after I was overheard confiding in some female friends who I worked with.

I returned to work on the 5th and he pulled me into a room with the colleague who had told the guy which room I was in. The colleague said he "thought I'd wanted it". My manager said that this was "fair enough" and told the colleague he could go.

The same manager told a female colleague that I "probably wanted it" and told another that I had "gone crazy" when he received my sick note after my doctor advised that I take some time off for my mental health after I'd narrowly avoided a car accident the day before on my way to work.

I confided in a woman and ex colleague who also knew the man who raped me. She said "oh that doesn't sound like Surj. Are you sure you didn't give him the wrong idea?"

At one point I even said to my family that I wished I hadn't reported it to the police, what with the invasive medical examination and processing time during which I was in a city 100 miles from home and just wanted to shower and change but instead had to wait there for 10 hours then sit on a train for 90 minutes back to Bristol in someone else's clothes, or the fact that I was expected to send my phone to the Met police, because the police in Bristol couldn't help, with no timelines of how long it would take to get it back. His phone wouldn't need to be checked. I know I did the right thing by reporting it but it would've been much easier if I hadn't. I went weeks without hearing from anyone with regards to an update. I am fortunate to have a close friend who is an ex police officer so he was able to answer any questions I had and really helped me through the process, but without him I'd have been lost.

After initially being fully in the denial stage (I attended a meetup in Bristol on the 10th of April) I began to notice the effects a few months later. For example, I had a panic attack and left my own birthday party at 9.30pm.

I couldn't bring myself to visit London for a long time, I hated being in hotel rooms and I even cut travelling around Eastern Europe short because I saw someone who looked like the man who raped me. I always look for an escape route wherever I am. I will choose to drive somewhere instead of using public transport because if I drive, I know I won't have to experience another train journey in someone else's clothes. I won't have more than a couple of drinks unless I'm around a select few people.

To this day, a large proportion of the way I act in certain situations is a direct result of that day. I know I will never "get over' it, but every day I move further away from it.

It has undoubtedly made me more difficult to build a relationship or bond with, but I know that will improve with time.

I still occasionally have a little voice at the back of my head wondering whether my top was too low cut, whether I was being too nice or whether I'd said something that he'd interpreted a different way to how it was intended, but then I remind myself of the first thing that rape crisis said to me: that none of it was my fault, they told me that I could've even told him that I wanted to have sex but that I ran away. I didn't tell him what hotel or room I was staying in. I was clearly saying no. They told me that if I'd invited him back to my room, got undressed and then said no.. it should still have meant no.

It wasn't my fault.

Rape crisis helped me to understand that rape and sex are two completely different things.

Rape crisis helped me through some very difficult times, and helped me to be a stronger version of myself but most importantly taught methat I'll never be back to how I used to be and that it's okay because what happened was a horrendous thing but I can turn it into something positive by raising money for this wonderful charity and helping others who are going through the same thing.

A study in 2017 revealed that 20% of women and 4% of men have experienced some type of sexual assault since the age of 16, (3.4 million female & 631,000 male victims).

I would ask that if even the slightest bit of you feels any sympathy then to please donate what you can because I no longer need sympathy or support but there are many people who do.

So to raise money, I will be doing a challenge a month forthe whole of 2022. They are:

January: Veganuary - anyone who knows me will know that I add cheese to anything I can get away with and I'm the sort of person that will like the sound of a vegan dish but ask for it with added meat

February: Give up smoking for a month.

March: Give up drinking for a month

April: 30 hrs worth of volunteering throughout the month

May: Readathon - read 10 books (any recommendations would be hugely appreciated!)

June: Abseil off the suspension bridge

July: Walk 300 kms throughout the month

August: Climb Snowdon

September: Climb 3000 flights of stairs throughout the month

October: Run 10k in under an hour (my fastest time was 1hr 22mins)

November: Complete four 50m outdoor swims with no wet suit

December: Cycle lands end to John o Groats across the month (837 miles)

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