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I will be running the 2023 London marathon for Mind in memory of my dad and my brothers late partner, both of whom were tragically lost to suicide.

Suicide is still a very taboo and complex issue. It can be seen as a last resort escape from a painful existence. What may be less obvious is the enormous shock-wave that follows. The pain is never lost, it is instead dispersed amongst loved ones in a very traumatic way. From the sudden and extremely complicated grief; the unanswerable "why's" and "what if's"; the financial burdens; single parenthood and parental loss to everything in between and everything that follows, it is far reaching and long lasting.

I was just 12 years old when I came home from school to the news that my dad had passed. That day will stay with me forever. The heartache I felt on that day was only topped days later when my mum found the words to tell me that he had actually taken his own life. I broke down. I'll never forget how tightly she held me, or the amount of tears that were shed that night. My natural response as a young boy was to shut down completely. I closed off a huge part of my life and opted to never speak of it. It was easier than facing the reality of events, dealing with any difficult questions or bringing up any unwanted emotions. I have rarely spoken of it since. In recent years I've learnt to reflect and I realize how unhealthy this is.

I want to be open. Anybody choosing to take their own life may see a life that is not worth living, or believe that the people in their lives will be better off without them. I hope that by sharing a little into my experience growing up, as well as some of the effects this has had on my family, that I may raise some awareness around the implications of suicide. I hope to encourage anyone who may be thinking of taking their life to think twice, to know that they are loved and to seek external help.

I have so many great childhood memories of my dad. He was in many ways the backbone of our family. He provided financially and he was the glue that held many family relations together. He was old-school: strong, hard-working, well connected, well respected and he certainly knew how to have fun. He loved rugby, golf, John Smiths and most of all, karaoke. Beyond everything he was a family man, and we all loved him.

It was difficult growing up and journeying into manhood without him. I lost my absolute hero. Naturally many insecurities develop after such a loss. There is some sense of shame. It becomes difficult to trust, to let your guard down and to let new people in. I felt robbed of many of the rituals that a boy goes through with their dad and I often felt lost or unguided as I became more exposed to the world. His loss brought about a breakdown of many of the family bonds that he held so tightly together. Not only did my siblings and I lose a father, my mum lost her life partner. Whilst dealing with her own grief she was forced to remain strong in support of the family, often working multiple jobs to keep the bills paid and to continue to provide as a newly single parent. Family holidays stopped, many Christmas's were missed and those memorable moments became limited.

We will forever remember my dad as the great man that we all saw him to be and I will always cherish those childhood memories of him, but the fallout from his tragic loss is very real and, I am sure, had he foreseen the implications of it then he wouldn't have made the decision that he did.

We have unfortunately seen much of this repeated with the loss of my brothers late partner who tragically took her own life in 2014. She was a kind, loving and bubbly young woman. She left behind two young children, my youngest nephew and his older half-sister, aged just 3 and 9 at the time. Her loss left my brother to raise his boy as a single father, whilst her eldest daughter was taken to live with her biological father abroad, separating the two. My brother, faced with the emotional and financial burden moved back into the family home with the support of our mother before re-gaining his feet and finding a home of his own. He continues to do an amazing job in raising his son who is growing to be an incredibly intelligent, confident, sporty, and funny young man. He remains in contact with his big sister, both of whom their mum would be immensely proud.

We may never fully understand the mindset that lead them to suicide and nobody could've foreseen the events that took place. Those that suffer the most often suffer in silence. It is difficult not think that if there had simply been more conversation surrounding their mental state, then they may still be with us today.

Thousands more commit suicide in the UK every year and the rates are rising. Every tragic loss comes with a unique set of complications. Mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, sons, daughters, family and friends are left to deal with individual grief and the sudden, unforeseeable and often preventable circumstances that are cast upon them.

And so, I kindly ask for your support in aid of Mind. Mind is an incredible organisation; their charitable work goes a long way towards the prevention of suicide through awareness and support campaigns, and by providing direct support and advice to anybody suffering with mental health issues.

Last year alone, Mind:

• Had their mental health information accessed over 21.4 million times.
• Supported over 443,000 people through Local Mind organizations.
• Responded to over 118,000 queries to support and information helplines.
• Had 23,500 new signups to online peer support communities.
• Reached over 1.8 million employees through workplace well-being programs.

How donations can help:

• £20 can keep the online peer support community running for an hour, helping people to connect with others and feel less alone.
• £40 can help the Infoline answer calls, providing someone with vital support and information about the help available to them.
• £50 can help to campaign for better mental health services from the Government, ensuring people get the support that they need, as soon as they need it.
• £100 can pay the cost of an Infoline or Legal Line advisor for a whole day.

Every donation is worthwhile, providing much needed support to anybody suffering, and will no doubt go some way towards saving a life.

Your support really does mean a lot, thank you.

Jamie x

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