Dear Mum, 

Everyday I still look at the note that you left me before you died that I framed and put on the wall in the house that I share with Natalie, my amazing wife. I still remember the last bit. 

'Don't get too drunk and keep making me proud of you'. 

I still go to work and moan about it, and still manage to say the wrong things to people, whether its innapropriate, or dirty. It would be fair to say I am marmite, but I remember you telling me once to just be myself. But regardless of what people think about me, I can guarantee that I will have something in common with them all. 

I hate the disease that took you away from us. The one that means you will never see your grandchild grow up. You havn't seen me reach rock bottom and nearly quit my job soon after you were taken, or know that Nicolas daughter is named after you. You won't laugh at me taking Dad out for dinner and cheering him up. By the way, he has started smoking again. 

I tried to do things to help the Hospice that gave you so much in your final weeks, but you'll obviously have thought it funny if you knew I was sacked from volunteering at the shop because I couldn't commit due to my shift work!

So instead I have repeated the words in my head on that note, and I can hear your voice saying them to me. 'Don't get too drunk, and keep making me proud of you.' Sorry about the first one, but this is what I am going to do. On May 11th, the day after your birthday I am doing a sprint triathlon, and I am doing it to raise money for the hospice. I have started training, and have lost a little weight. I don't drink as much now and go running,cycling and swimming. I am starting to feel fitter and believe that I can do this. I will make you proud of me.

Other than that, theres not much more to say? Apart from I love you, I miss you and I think about you everyday. I don't care that my friends see this letter, they might even think I have a soul when they read it, or they may just take the piss. But I don't care. This is for you. I love you.

 

Love James xxx

PS I will be posting lots of photos and have taken a before training one of me looking very fat for everyone to laugh at. I'm not putting it up until I've taken the after one though..