Simon Jason Hall, 65, has committed many atrocities to musics during his career. Whether it is single handedly destroying innocent festivals with his evil mean words, wantonly reversing company vehicles into ravines whilst drunk on Hobgoblin Beer (stolen from hungry orphans), or selling black market chicken burgers (made from only tiny little baby chickens) to blind children in Coventry's ghettos.

It's time to make amends.

Simon, with the assistance of some additional 'acrobats' has agreed to perform a fully complete 360 degree manoeuvre known in the trade as a "forward roll" during the opening night of the Sophie Lancaster stage at this year's Bloodstock Festival.

I urge you to support this magnificent effort. It's sure to be a sight to Beholder.