Probably the first thing people notice about my mother is how beautiful she is, even now at 64. The beauty pageant queen and Miss South Dakota State University are still visible in her lovely lined face. The second is her flirtatious and infectious laughter, the type of laughter that makes you feel confident and silly and reckless all at once. My mom had many gifts and talents and making people feel good just by her presence was one of them. 

As a young woman, my mother was adventurous and independent in a way that women rarely were back then. She flew planes and travelled the world singing and dancing at US military bases with the USO. She was fearless and wild. Three children mellowed her out a bit but she maintained a sense of excitement through the things she loved: boating, water skiing, kayaking (anything to do with water, really), camping, hiking, cross country skiing and rollerblading. Embarrassingly, while I was unwilling to try anything that might hurt, my mom sustained many injuries in her adventures, including dislocating her thumb boogie boarding and fracturing her ribs and puncturing a lung while rollerblading (in her 50's!) I don't know how I turned out to be such a sissy.

I can't write about my mother without writing about music. Her whole life and her greatest passion was music. She studied music, taught music and performed throughout her life. She had a spectacular singing voice, was an impressive pianist and, my personal favorite, could manage a few songs on the accordion (one of which was Happy Birthday and an integral part of anybody and everybody's birthday celebration who was lucky enough to know my mother). In her younger years, she worked as a singing telegram, was in countless musicals at the Black Hill Playhouse and sang in a Country Western band. She studied music for her master's degree and taught musical theatre throughout her career to kids of all ages. Fortunately, music is one of the few things that she can recall clearly.

My mom was diagnosed with Early Onset Alzheimer's a few years ago. At first, the changes were minimal and only mildly distressing. But as time goes by, there's less and less mischievous laughter, less singing, and less playfulness. My fun-loving, outgoing, adventurous mom is turning inward, confused and frightened. I knew her memory would dissolve but I didn't know that it would take her personality and everything I love about her with it. It's horrific and crippling and I don't think it's possible to articulate the heartache that Alzheimer's has caused my family. I miss my mom.