Hi all!

This will be my second marathon and the first time I have fundraised. I considered various charities but wanted to pick one very close to my heart.

In 2004 shortly after securing my dream job of becoming a police officer, I became very ill Swollen neck glands, very high fever, weight loss and extreme fatigue that lasted for weeks. Glandular fever was suspected and an emergency doctor would come out to administer anti sickness injections and this was the start of 3 months off work.

 The illness continued which baffled my gp. I was so weak, I fell down the stairs. Eventually I returned back to my gp who suggested I take a HIV test. Scared, I took a friend with me. This was the time when you were tested on the day and got the results back later that same day. As the nurse took blood from me in the morning, my friend remembers the nurse indicating I was likely to have the HIV virus because of the symptoms I was presenting with. I was completely oblivious and out of it. I felt exhausted and numb.

  I had to return later to get the results. I was the last patient to be called so sensed something was wrong. I was given the news I dreaded. I was HIV positive. I froze and burst into tears. I thought I was going to lose my job, never be able to have a relationship and ultimately lead a short life. It did have that feeling of impending doom.  

My immune count was low at 160 and was immediately given medications to stop me getting pneumonia. Over the next year my immune system struggled to increase by any great amount and so I started antiviral medications. Luckily I was diagnosed at a time when a new wave of medications were on the market.

I was hoping some of the side effects from previous medications wouldn't come my way like unwanted body fat distribution and night terrors. The main side effects on initial treatment was poor sleep and fatigue but I managed this.

 My supervisor at the time was amazing. He supported me by visits and chats even on days off and never pressuring me to come back to work. Being in the police service and living with a condition like HIV has its pros and cons but ultimately I have been supported with reasonable adjustments where needed and the few colleagues I have told have shown empathy and remained friends.

I think my biggest battle has been in my own head. The self criticism and stigma I had for the virus and people living with it. I have now had this condition for 17 years and have been on medication for 16 years.

 Long term medication use has brought with it some pancreatic issues but ultimately the condition is managed well and I can live a nearly normal  and healthy  life. Moving to Brighton 3 years ago, and the HIV care and support in the community have all contributed to giving me confidence and accepting this condition fully.

 I have met two people recently who have 'come out' again and revealed their status publicly and have been actively involved in supporting vulnerable people living with HIV. Their journeys, positivity and advice has made it the right time for me to be completely open and transparent with living with HIV in the hope it will inspire others and go towards ending stigma. 

Terrence Higgins Trust is the UK's leading HIV and sexual health charity. They support people living with HIV and amplify their voices, and help the people using our services to achieve good sexual health.