Thanks for taking the time to visit my JustGiving page. I will be covering the cost of my jump in full, so I can raise as much money as possible for Mind. Thank you in advance for your donations, every little helps. 

I am raising money for a charity close to my heart Mind, I have always felt the work Mind do to help people with their mental health is phenomenal.

Now more than ever they need our support so they can continue working with people who need their help, as the number of people struggling with their mental health has increased due to the pandemic.

The reason I have chosen to raise money by skydiving is because there was a time I was fearless but in 2015, things changed, that confident and fearless person I was faded away as I struggled with my secret physical and mental health.

So, what better way to face my fears and at the same time
raise money for a cause that is at the heart of this.  As I booked the skydive, I was shaking as just the thought of jumping out the plane scared the hell out of me.  Some might say why put yourself through this, surly there is an easier way but if you know me you will know I never choose the easy way lol.

I feel that it is important to share my story with you all, I was a little anxious about sharing it as I am a private person and struggle
with talking about my feelings but at the same time, I thought my story could help others or maybe just remove the stigma around mental health. You see there are only two people that know about my secret battle with Physical versus Mental health, not even those closest to me know. If I am good at anything “it is being able to laugh and hide my pain”. I know I have family and friends who would help me in a heartbeat if I asked for it but sadly, I didn’t want them to
know.

I have struggled with depression for as long as I can remember, having everything but still feeling so empty. But in 2015 it took a
turn for the worst I was now fighting a battle with my physical health; I had been through this before but this time something was different, mentally I was not strong this time, I felt defeated, I lost my faith, independence and saw a possible glimpse of my future. I felt like I had  suddenly lost control of my life, I thrived on working hard and being independent and now I could not even dress myself or get up from the toilet without help. I was suffocating at least that is how I felt, my husband had now become my carer at 32. I was now in the
darkest place I had ever been I wanted all the pain to stop. It is hard for me to admit this but when I would close my eyes, I wished I did not wake up. I maintained covering up how low I felt to my family and friends, they thought I was so strong as I always put on a brave face. If I spoke to anyone I laughed and joked so they would not know the truth, that inside I felt like I was dying.

Then one day I woke up and thought I cannot carry on like
this, what has happened to me, where is the fight in me, where is the person that will not give up. Now I was ashamed and disappointed in myself, I wrote down everything I felt, I then went to see the doctor and the flood gates opened and I cried uncontrollably, and it was the first step for me to accept what was happening to me and now it was time for me to deal with it. In the mix of all this I lost myself, I lost my confidence and my passion before this I believed I could do anything I would push myself to the limits. Then my anxiety started and the thought of being in a room full of people made me feel sick with
nerves. I stepped back and suddenly I had changed and the old me had gone.

As time passed, I found my new me, I came to terms with
everything, I decided whilst I could, I would continue to push myself to the limits and not worry about the future. I was suddenly in a good place mentally, maybe even the best.

Then we were suddenly in a pandemic, in the first lockdown
and I was told to shield. When you struggle with your mental health there is no permanent fix and now, I felt like I was struggling again. My routine and structure all the tools I had in place to help me had suddenly gone. I always kept myself busy there was no time to stop and think about the future and now I was alone with my thoughts again. I was in a dark place again, but the difference was I did not have to cover it all up and put a smile on as I did not need to leave the house. In some ways it was a good thing, it was so exhausting putting on a front. I did not know why I was feeling what I was feeling but what I did know was I could not go on like this. I knew I had been
in a darker place before and I had got through it, so I got up and even though I didn’t feel like doing anything or even feel anything I knew I had to do something.  I started painting everything I could find, I painted through my darkest thoughts. I realised what I was
feeling was temporary and I needed to find a new routine and structure. So, I painted, started boxing again in my garage and even started to learn to play the guitar. I had more time to play my childhood favourite games cops and robbers and hiding seek with my girls. Slowly I worked through my feelings. When the third lockdown came, I remember saying to my husband I do not think I can do this again, he replied you got this! and you know what I really did, I more than did!

The most important thing you can do is talk to someone and
seek help do not keep it in, mental health is nothing to be ashamed of. I got through this for me, but I could not have done it without the love and support of my husband.  I am sure it was hard for
him to see me in so much pain and to face the same challenges with me to help me physically and mentally, it was all new to him but he never gave up on me even when I gave up on myself. He always believed in me and gave me strength to fight the battle and is my biggest cheerleader.  My two beautiful daughters who always bring a smile to my face and give me a purpose. My Manager who no longer works with me but at work he was my safety blanket, who stood with me when my anxiety played up and gave me courage again.

I now know my mental health is just as important as my
physical health, if not more important for me personally as I know without my mental wellbeing I will lose. whilst I am sure they will battle it out again, I know I can and will get through it.