Angela's story

In the heart of lockdown 2020, 34 weeks into a very much wanted pregnancy, the sonographer turned to me and uttered the dreadful words, “there is no heartbeat. Your baby has gone”.   

Thirty-six hours later, in the darkness before dawn one Thursday morning, my baby arrived.  I went through all the pain and trauma of a labour, but without the joyous arrival of a live baby to make me immediately forget.  My baby arrived, a beautiful boy weighing just shy of 6 pounds.  He looked exactly like a baby should look, except that his soul had already left us two days before.  He had only ever been alive inside of me.  As it was lockdown, only my husband was allowed to be with me, no one could come to be with us nor could they see our baby.  We were utterly lost and alone.

The midwife brought a 4Louis memory box to my room.  The 4Louis memory boxes, provided free of charge, are tailored to suit the needs of various maternity units and contain items to help inspire bereaved families to capture mementos of their baby or child.  The midwife
encouraged us to use the items to make memories of our baby:

• She helped create clay impressions of our son’s hand – now that little imprint sits in our bedroom and waves at us every morning when we wake up.
• She painted his tiny feet and made footprints, which we have since had framed and is pride of place next to his brother’s framed baby footprints beside the shoe cupboard. 

Of the two identical teddies contained in the box, one was buried with our baby and one I keep with me. 

4Louis’s foresight in recognising the inertia that sets in when a baby dies, meant that we didn’t miss the opportunity to capture the tiny portion of time we shared with him.  Nothing can replace the emptiness of leaving the maternity unit without a baby, however the memory box meant that we have retained physical keepsakes as a loving reminder of our son.  Without 4Louis we would have lost those physical reminders of our baby forever.

4Louis is a UK charity founded on parents’ grief and love for their precious son Louis, who was stillborn in December 2009.  Kirsty and Michael took the pain and grief of their experience and have grown something to help other parents suffering one of the worst kinds of pain.

4Louis works across the country to support anyone affected by miscarriage, stillbirth and the death of a baby or child. They also work to improve the care bereaved families receive from health care and other professionals.