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My dad, fondly known as ‘Big Joe’ was diagnosed with vascular dementia when he was 67. My mum was his sole carer for many years, she found it very hard emotionally and physically but continued to put his needs first despite grieving while she watched her husband slowly disappear. 

In the latter years of his dementia, my dad was admitted to a nursing home so my mum could have some respite - my younger sister was very ill and my mum was caring for her as well. The nursing staff quickly realised that he needed 24 hour care as his dementia was progressing very quickly - as a family we found this very difficult and sad. He never returned home.

In the early days of his diagnosis, my mum would take him out shopping but he would frequently wander off. He had been a keen walker and runner for years so was in good shape. As he was so well known, someone would always stop him and bring him home. He was always found close to where he grew up. At a family wedding, my mum left him sitting with his brothers - when she came back, my dad was drinking a pint & smoking a cigarette, both of which he had stopped many years ago - my mum said he looked so happy so let him enjoy the moment. 

He became mute shortly after he was admitted to the nursing home which was very upsetting for us all, especially my mum. We could see a hint of a smile when his grandchildren visited - this was so rewarding to us all including his grandchildren. He was admitted to hospital on a few occasions with infections - the environment was alien to him and he quickly became agitated and more confused. 

It was so hard and sad to watch my dad’s decline knowing we had no control over it. There was a strong sense of loss even though he was alive. He passed away at the age of 75. He was the most gentle, caring, kind and loving father who is greatly missed  but will always be remembered. 

I hope that the money raised for Frimley Health Charity contributes to creating more dementia friendly areas across the Trust. This will help patients adjust better to their surroundings which will improve their lives & experiences while in hospital. This in turn will help their careers, just like my mum - they are the true unsung heroes.

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