Sophia will be riding a bicycle from San Diego to New Orleans starting February 1^st, and projecting to finish on 2/24, a distance of over 2000 miles. Her goal is to raise money to be donated to the Sky’s the Limit Fund.

Sky’s the Limit works to transform the lives of youth in crisis and their families by providing access to wilderness therapy programs, coaching services to guide families during the transition home, and outreach to educate the community on the benefits of wilderness therapy.

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Life itself is an exile. The way home is not the way back. Colin Wilson, “The Outsider” 

Transcribed from an Interview with Sophia Buie

Written by P.J. Hennigan

Stu was always my biggest fan. I know people say that a lot, but it was next level with him. To the point that I would meet friends of his for the first time and they would already know everything about me- he would tell them I had just bought a car, what April fools pranks I played, some menial award I won that even I forgot about. Little things I didn't think were big accomplishments, Stuart would brag about to all his friends. 

It's kind of interesting thinking about doing this bike trip because Stuart would have been the first and loudest voice saying how 'cool' it was and how excited he was for me. He would tell everyone.

We were all homeschooled and spent a lot of time together, taught to be best friends. 

Something I never thought about was how Stuart did everything just to be with me. 

We were innocent troublemakers… One time my mom made all these muffins as gifts for our teachers in middle school. We really wanted to eat them, and my mom was like: “No!” Stuart and I ate all the bottoms then carefully placed them back in the tray. 

We grew up singing in choirs together, performing together. We sang at weddings. 

Music was our life. My parents were adamant about us learning an instrument. 

Stuart was a very talented pianist. He lived his life through music. He played a lot of jazz

In high school, he was a piano teacher. He played in a jazz bar. He loved jazz. That’s how he got into U of Chicago. A rep heard him play at a wedding. 

For him music was effortless. Always on his mind, it’s how he lived. 

Am I catastrophizing this? Is it a lot more serious than everyone is seeing?

The attempt in March, I didn’t recognize him.

He lived with my sister for a month. Then with my parents in Santa Cruz. 

He’s stressed. He’s not taking care of himself. 

Why doesn’t he see that people love him? 

He’s so talented – He just doesn’t get it? 

They didn’t see it.

He went to Utah. We barely convinced him to go. 

He was a young adult. He walked from the program. 

Back to Chicago. Supposedly doing better

I was waiting for the floor to fall, talking to him every day. 

Intimately involved in his depression

3 weeks before, he came to visit. After he was released 

I was out there two weeks before

I will never know… Did he know? It would be the last time.

It was a perfect weekend. Haunting in that way 

I felt fine enough where I left

He was so up and down

All of us knew it was serious

My nervous system was always jacked

Is he okay? Is he safe? 

Seeing these intense swings

He was bullied more than any of us knew

It was never explicit

The cruelty of kids

I felt blindsided. Anyone feels that way with loss. 

So many things we didn’t get answers to 

I actually felt this would never happen 

He would go back and forth 

I am suspicious

It was a heavy shift

“I’m fine, I don’t need help”

Chicago in the spring 

“Just let me go”

Do this for us! 

He said okay.

He sometimes goes into this other state

When he was doing well, 

I don’t know if he knew 

where exactly he would go

He had so little self-worth, So self-critical

What’s the thing that sets you off?

What’s the thing that spirals you down?

“If I’m talking to someone…

 I can’t remember every detail

I’m the worst friend ever

Unreasonable standards 

He was relational and sensitive

Made you feel welcome and special  

He had this light

he thought the world would be better without it 

You never know how people are. 

This needs to be more of a conversation

Or they will always feel alone

And we will never know.

Who we are, never dies. Our acts, our nature become pieces that sparkle in the mosaic of the lives we’ve touched along the way. It is only through a person’s absence that we begin to internalize our connection to them, uncovering all the little spaces where they left their mark. Little gifts to cherish and carry on to others. I didn’t know Stuart. I barely knew Sophia before agreeing to do this, but after reading Stuart’s writing, hearing his thoughts, seeing him play piano, and hearing Sophia tell me about their friendship, I feel as though a small piece of him now sparkles in the mosaic of who I am and I'm a better person because of it. I feel the same about Sophia. I don’t think you meet people so beautifully connected to love and music and art and not take a little piece of them away.