In 2013, a close family friend grew his angel wings after making a decision that devastated all those close to him, myself included.

Anyone that knew Jamie would have known him as this fun loving young man who just wanted to rejoin the army, enjoy time with his girlfriend and mates and just be one of the lads! He adored his family and they him.

To this day I still find it very difficult to have a conversation with someone about what happened:

Possibly because I don't truly understand why it happened and I find it difficult to comprehend feeling like that was my only option. 

Definitely because it was a true tragedy, huge loss and extremely sad that someone I'd known since he was very young and had great memories with was no longer here. 

But mostly because when I do I'm reminded of the true heartbreak, pain and suffering of those that he left behind. 

I remember the call from his sister the morning she found out it had happened and the devastation in her voice as she struggled to process the events from the night before. The feeling I had when I sat outside his families house a couple of days later when I worried what I was going to say or do when I saw them but even worse the look on their faces as I walked in.

I remember holding his sister's hand as we went to go and see his body and comforting his parents as they felt their whole world was crashing down around them. 

When I drive through the village where he grew up I'm reminded of everyone walking up the road with the funeral car and I cant listen to The Script 'The man who cant be moved' without remembering his friends and family carrying his coffin through the church.

If I feel like this then I cant even begin to imagine how it feels for his Mum Linda, Dad Joseph and Sister Emma. My adopted family as I always called them. The nicest, kindest most loving family I have ever had the pleasure of meeting and they definitely did not deserve the crappy cards they have been dealt.

When I decided I wanted to raise money for charity I toyed with the idea of raising for a mental health charity instead I decided to raise it for a charity that helped those that were left behind when someone they loved had left this world. Emma told me all about Cruse Bereavement Care and about how this charity helped her and her parents when Jamie died and helped them piece their lives back together again. Through counselling they helped Jamie's nearest and dearest to feel like they could go on and had a reason to get out of bed every day, they helped them get back to 'normal' life or their new normal now Jamie was no longer with them.

Whilst things will never be the same as they were, his family now smile again, this is because they are incredibly strong beautiful people but also because Cruse helped them to find themselves again and for that I'd like to raise them as much money as I possibly can!

Thankyou Samantha for agreeing to be my side kick and running the marathon with me, I know you hate me right now but I couldn't do it without you so thankyou tons!

xxx "True friends aren't the ones who make your problems disappear, they are the ones who don't disappear when you're facing problems" xxx