Thank you for visiting my London Marathon fundraising page. I am running the 26.2 miles for Refuge to raise funds and awareness for survivors of domestic abuse. 

In June 2019 after 11 years of domestic abuse, the final assault, lead to my abuser’s arrest & the police placing me in a women’s refuge. 

I arrived at the refuge  in the early hours of the morning, traumatised & exhausted,  after many hours of police statements & video evidence. I felt scared, alone and distressed. With only the clothes I wore & a few bits I’d managed to grab. All my remaining belongings my abuser destroyed, sending me photos of precious sentimental items, as he disposed of them. I was devastated to loose things that meant so much to me.

 I remember sitting & crying, with the overwhelming feeling, of it just being too much to even comprehend. One of the refuge support staff sat with me, hugged me. I did not want to be alone & was so grateful to have someone who understood.

Initially I was given one of their emergency rooms, which was a small room with a bed, sofa, kitchenette  & shower.. Then a few days later I was given a 2 bed flat for myself & my youngest son, who was 16 at the time. The most poignant memory I have of that first night, was the “hug in a bag” provided by a local church group. This had the basics of toothbrush, shower gel, moisturiser etc & a bar of chocolate. This simple act of kindness meant so much, to know others cared.

Many victims of domestic abuse attempt to leave many times before they actually succeed. This was certainly true in my case. Those that personally know my story, know how I hid the abuse, through shame & a hope that if I just “tried harder” it would be ok & all work out. Sadly the “trying harder” gets you more entrenched in the abuse & what you now almost see as “normal” from being told you’re stupid, being poked in the head & spat at. The confusion when you are made to constantly question your sanity. The violence of physical attacks, of being thumped or strangled. The jumping as a plate was thrown across the room, or a fist was aimed at your face, but stopped just short of hitting you, only to be sneered at, as you flinched. This becomes “normal” constantly living with high anxiety, of what’s coming next. Whilst trying desperately to modify your behaviour to please and make the times between abusive episodes longer, in the hope things would finally change. Of course this cycle just repeats itself for weeks, months & years.

The reason so many victims, try so many times to leave but fail,  is the paralysing fear of how can they possibly leave & who would believe them.

I would often quote the analogy to family & friends, to try to explain why, although it looks so simple from the outside to “just leave” it was not that easy. It was like living in a cage, with the cage door open. As much as life inside the cage was horrendous, I knew the rules of what increased the abuse & how to try to maximise the time between episodes. Abuse is rarely 24/7 which again keeps victims constantly hoping “things will get better”. Life outside the cage, albeit free of abuse,  was unknown and absolutely terrifying to comprehend how I’d cope. My self esteem & confidence in my ability to live without him, was non existent. 

One thing I can always remember, when I shared with  the refuge recovery course, how I was often told I was responsible for his violence towards me, is “what would it take for you to put your hands around someone else’s neck ?” This made me realise that to a normal person, apart from fighting for your life, or your that of your children. You may be angry or frustrated with someone, but you would never then grab them around their neck. 

The first time I was pinned me up by my neck, I was so shocked & traumatised, but wanted to believe it was just a one off. So I told no one and sadly secrecy, shame & fear of not being believed, only serves to fuel the the abuse and reduce the chance of escaping.

The initial support from the refuge, felt like I was finally being pulled, one tug at a time, out of a deep dark hole and they weren’t letting go. Their support over the first 6 weeks, that myself & my youngest son lived in the refuge, were truly life changing for us. Thereafter their continued support during the last 3 years, as I have endured horrendous legal proceedings, has been invaluable.

Had I truly known the fight and what I’d have to endure over the last three years, I’m not sure I’d have ever found the strength and courage to leave. I most certainly would never have managed to without the support of the  womens refuge. 

Please help me now thank them for their support and help. My legal proceedings and divorce all concluded on the 3 year anniversary of being  placed in the refuge. The abuse has had a profound affect on me, with triggers that cause emotional distress, high anxiety and relationship issues. But I am now positively looking forward, with the help of trauma therapy and support from loved ones,  to a full recovery and feeling more like the girl I was before. 

The Marathon will mark a point of closure of this chapter.  It is a massive personal challenge for me, having only ran 10k before and I think at times, I can’t do this, then I remember what I’ve come through & think “yes I can!” 

I want to cross that finish line knowing, I not only mustered the strength and determination to run a Marathon, but I am also a survivor and want to give back to those that helped me, so they can go on to help others escape domestic violence & abuse.

Your donations will help Refuge provide safe refuge places for victims to stay and services such as the freephone National Domestic Abuse Helpline, which is available 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. 

Please give as much or as little as you can afford. I’m grateful for all donations.

And any words of encouragement, will be hugely appreciated, for the tough weeks of training ahead ! 

Thank you and wish me luck!

Claire xx