Let me see you, let me touch you, let me hold you, let me carry you, let me kiss you, I already love you.  ❤

Hi, my name is Cheryl, I'm 40 and have 2 absolute beautiful boys who are my world.  I'm getting married in 3weeks and 6 days and  8 months ago I wrote the above.  I found out I was pregnant.  I was secretly ecstatic.  Secretly because I've lost before not 1, or 2 or even 3 but 5 I'd already lost 5 babies.  1 of them being an ectopic pregnancy 2 years ago whilst at Disneyland with my 2 boys Kian and Dexter.  

In my head I'd changed our wedding plans, re bought a pram and decided on a short maternity leave.  Hmm a Christmas wedding.  Why not, let's just bring it forward. 

2 weeks later on the Monday I started bleeding.  Bleeding that I'd experienced only once before.  In my head and heart I knew it was another Ectopic pregnancy.  The gynecologist assured me it wasn't and in the most blunt fashion told me my pregnancy test was now negative, my blood tests results showed that my  HCG levels had dropped to below 5 and refused me a scan and sent me home. I literally begged for a scan and still she said no and to wait until Wednesday as I had one booked for then under the Early Pregnancy Unit.  

I came home and cried.  Into my pillow, in the shower, in the car, in Gary's arms.  Another loss, when will they help me? How much more can I possibly go through.  

2 days later I had a scan, they couldn't see anything and after yet another 2nd and 3rd opinion they sent me home  Then the EPU called me that evening and wanted to do yet another scan as they are not happy with something.  So I go back for yet another scan on the Friday.  The result of this is a chronic ectopic pregnancy.  Within my fallopian tube is a 5cm mass.  They give me the option of emergency surgery or to go home and see if it can be managed at home.  I couldn't think straight and went home.  Gary said no.  He said for the safety of my life I need to go back and have the surgery.  So there I was back in the hospital.  Due to Covid I had to go alone and wasn't allowed visitors not even Gary.  

On the 18th September 2021 on the Saturday evening they took me down for the surgery, the pregnancy was stuck within the fallopian tube and stuck on the ovary and I was already experiencing internal bleeding. They managed to save the ovary but removed the tube.  Who knows what would have happened if I hadn't gone in.  It doesn't bare thinking about.

Because this is my 2nd ectopic pregnancy and was in the opposite tube I've been advised that I'm too high risk to try for another baby and really should stop.  My one tube that is left is most likely damaged with scarring. 


This is why I need to do this run, to switch focus and to try fix me a little because right now I feel broken.  My family, my friends and my work keep me going and keep me smiling but inside I hurt And my heart breaks.  


If you can spare any amount of money to help raise for this charity I'll be grateful.  Thank you for reading xx

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