Why are we each swimming 10 km in a river?

I bet you all know someone who deals with Anxiety. Perhaps you are close enough to them to understand what their Anxiety means for them; how excruciating it is, how limiting and how bloody depressing. 

Or perhaps you've never been quite able to figure out why it's such a big deal, what the triggers are, and what good help would be. You want to be a good friend or sister or... but if Anxiety is not something you've experienced, it's hard to reassure.

That's where I was. With people I care about going through stuff and me being clueless. Training for this river swim has helped me understand. Just a little. Just enough to be a better friend.

I've felt the excruciating, limiting and bloody depressing. I feel it each time I get in the water or even think about it. River, lake or sea, they all terrify me. It's excruciating to make yourself do something you don't want to do, it's so limiting because you'd love to do more, and it's depressing that you aren't strong enough to deal with it better.

When it comes to open water...

I'm so anxious about the entirely harmless things - weeds, leaves, tiny fish, the shadows of my own hands - they make my heart jump out of my chest, restrict my breathing, fire adrenaline around my body, make it impossible to think straight.

I'm so anxious about real potential dangers like tides, rocks, sharks, seals, boats no matter how unlikely it is that I'll encounter them. I swim with a constant sense of dread, fear. It saps my energy. 

I'm so anxious about the macabre and bizarre; dead floating bodies, unexploded war mines, ropes to the underworld.  I'm constantly scanning for evidence that these bizarre things are real. Sometimes it gets the better of me. A bad outcome feels inevitable and I can't go on.  

All of course nonsense. But logic and reason don't come into it, Anxiety. And that's the point. My loved ones have tried to explain about ’not thinking straight’, ‘energy sapping’, ‘can’t go on’ and my attempts to reassure have always been based on logic. Now I know, logic isn’t helpful when it comes to Anxiety. 

All I can offer you dear friends is to get in the water mid-September and empathise with your Anxiety for a few hours. The strength you have to get through every day like this, to get on buses, go to work, social events, leave your children, your strength will be what keeps me going on a 3 hour swim (a daft pursuit really, when you put it like that). I’m starting to understand what you are going through, and I'm in awe of you.

Meanwhile, I'll leave it to the experts at Mind to keep researching the best support for people dealing with mental illness and I ask for donations to their efforts. Anxiety is firmly in the bucket of ‘seriously hard to solve’, let’s club together to understand and know more. 

Donating through JustGiving is simple, fast and totally secure. Your details are safe with JustGiving - they'll never sell them on or send unwanted emails. Once you donate, they'll send your money directly to Mind. 

Thank you. 

Anna-Lisa, James and Matt 

p.s. bonus challenges always welcome e.g. bonus for no 'avoiding head in the water' breaststroke, no eye-closing, # minutes behind Matt and James (targeting 15 mins), minutes sub 3 hours