People that know me well will know that I am pretty much a closed book when it comes to airing out my feelings. I'm just not very good at articulating my feelings when it comes to Samantha so bare with me!

Me and Sam had a very normal sibling relationship growing up, sure we fought like cat and dog at times (quite a lot actually!!), but when the chips were down I could always rely on her to be there for me. In truth even though I was 2 years older, there is absolutely no doubt in my mind that she was the wiser, more streetwise, stronger, more compassionate, and more mature of the two of us, and in hindsight i now know just how much I relied on her in my life.

 Everyone that met her would inevitably fall under her spell, I was so envious of her relaxed and laid back personality which made me seem quiet and introverted in comparison. She was a fun person, a funny person, kind and loving, generous, and would always go the extra mile to look out for her friends and family. She was the most loyal person I've ever known, but at the same time had a biting honesty and down to earth nature that meant if you got on the wrong side of her you would bloody well know about it!

She had everything in her life going for her when that picture above was taken on her 18th birthday, the 26th of April 2002. she had a steady long term boyfriend in Graham who she had just moved into her first flat with, and already had her life mapped out! She knew exactly what she wanted out of her life and she was the type of person that you just knew would achieve every aspiration she had.

That's not to say she was perfect though, impatient, exciteable, talkative, loud, stroppy, sulky, she could be all of those things, she could drive you absolutely nuts, but in the end her shining personality, and more importantly her massive heart always shone through for all to see. Everyone loved Sam.

The day she was diagnosed with Leukaemia, a little after her 19th birthday, it hit everyone like a tonne of bricks. As always with these things, it came out of the blue, there was no warning. She was not a sickly child growing up, there were no telltail signs that she may have been at any extra risk. Nothing. A simple routine blood test at the gps after a period of about a month of feeling under the weather, thats all it took. The two of us had gone for a drink in spoons a couple of weeks before and I hadn't even realised she was feeling unwell, let alone gone for a blood test, maybe I was too caught up in my own life at the time, knowing Sam though she was probably worrying about everyone else more than herself as usual and didn't want to worry me.

To cut a long story a little bit shorter, the following 6 months of Sams life were unimaginably tough.The regular courses of chemo, which left her with no imune system meant she had to stay in hospital  for days on end, feeling sick and bored constantly, the disease slowly wore her down. Then she lost her beautiful hair, and her frustration grew. I will forever regret that I wasn't there for her more at that time,  thank god she had our amazing mum, who would travel dailly from harlow to Addenbrooks where Sam was being treated, bringing her homecooked meals every day and always keeping a positive, jovial and thinking of the future kind of attitude, and to her eternal credit it made Samanthas last weeks happier, she started talking more about the future and there was no doubt in my mind that she could beat this.

How wrong was I.

 

Practically 6 months to the day after her diagnosis, Samantha lost her battle with Leukaemia. In truth the agressive form of the disease she had was always going to be too strong for her and as I later found out 6 months was all she was ever going to have.

  I didn't cry at her funeral, I was too numb with shock. it took me a long time to accept that she was gone. In truth I don't think i've totally come to terms with it 6 years on, I only got the nerve to visit her gravestone for the first time 2 years ago, however now I find it a comfort and go and sit with her when the need takes me. 

Samantha Louise Boxall was a one off, an amazing person with hopes and dreams and aspirations that will never be fulfilled, and the many hundreds of peoples lives she touched are the poorer for her loss. I for one miss her every day.

On the 26th of June this year I'm going to join some of my Wickes workmates in entering the 26 mile London bikeathon 2011, and we will all be racing and raising money for Leukaemia & Lymphoma Research, and on a personal level, I will be doing so in memory of Sam, so please, donate what you can, and help us raise a whole load of cash so we can beat this nasty disease for good!

U