That's it people, nearly there. Chances are that if you'd made it this far then you're about to slap down some of your hard earned cash out of the kindness of your heart.

 

As you'll probably all know, I've had arthritis since the tender age of 12 (half my age that is, which is quite scary), that ceased my badminton career as it was just about to take off, kept me out of school for a while and has seriously affected my life in every shape or form since the moment I had my first symptons.

 

You see, I was one of the lucky ones. I was one of five children in the UK to be placed on this pioneering treatment etanercept (Enbrel) and I took to it like a duck to water. But there are still little ducklings out there that can't find the right water to swim in (sea what i did there?) (Oops did it again). As you can tell, etanercept didn't supress my shit sense of humour nor fortunately my dynamite calves. Anywhoo.... like I say, with the help of Arthitis Research UK and other arthritis based charities we are developing new technologies that help combat juvenile arthritis but we are still behind. There are still thousands of children out there who are sitting and waiting for the technology to come to their rescue. This is where the money that you donate will go!!!

 

For the next paragraph, play Jerusalem on the background and imagine Booby Moore, Tim Henman and Chris Akabusi standing next to me but speed it up a bit as the speech isn't that long. O yeah, and imagine I have the voice of Brendan Foster!!!

 

And START!!!

 

I was unlucky, now lucky. There are still thousands out there who are just unlucky..... Technology can catch up with the unlucky. We just need to give the tekkers a chance to speed up. With every donation, with every penny, with every 2p, with every 5p, with every 10p, with every 20p, with every 50p, with every pound, with every £2, with every Lady Godiva, with every Benners, with every Inspector George Gently, with every Nifty, WE CAAAAAAN SPEED UP THE RESEARCH, WE CAAAAAN FUND MORE PIONEERING TREATMENT!!!! WE CAN DO THIS GUYS, LETS DO IT FOR ALL OF THE UNLUCKY ONES!!! LETS HELP MAKE THESE DUCKLINGS LUCKY, LETS DO IT FOR WEST HAM!!! LETS PUT SOME SMILES ON SOME KIDS FACES!!! WE'RE A GREAT COUNTRY, CARING, CONSIDERATE, SARCASTIC AND MOST IMPORTANTLY GENEROUS!!!! NOW... LETS GET OUT THERE AND DO THESE GERMAN CUNTS!!!!

 

O yeah...... I cycled about 900 miles from Lands End to John O Groats over 12 days. Whatevs x