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From the beginning.....On our wedding 4th anniversary, 17th April 2014, we were over the moon to discover that we were pregnant. This was a very much longed for pregnancy and we couldn't be happier. Or so we thought, until the 12 week scan, when we found out that we were expecting twins!! Our little family would be complete, and 7 weeks later we found out we would be welcoming two baby girls into the world. Everything was perfect. We had regular scans and both of our girls were seemingly healthy. We had everything ready, set up, built and decorated long before their due date, and now it was just a waiting game. On 12th of October, 10 weeks early, I went into hospital with agonising pains to discover that I was 8cm dilated, and out came baby Florence 20 minutes later at 6:18am, weighing 3lb1oz. Beatrice was breech, and was delivered by emergency C-section at 6:59am, weighing 2lb13oz. Florence was stable, and after resuscitation and being connected to a ventilator, so was Beatrice. We told everyone they were here, we were so excited! Both girls were beautiful, Florence had a head of thick dark hair, and Beatrice had few wisps of fair hair. After a day in hospital, we were told that Beatrice needed more specialist care at a level 3 hospital (we were at a level 2) and would be transferred to a higher level hospital an hour away. Guy went with her, and I, still recovering from surgery, stayed with Florence. The following day we were told that the level 3 hospital could also take Florence so the girls would be together! We were over the moon, and I managed to get myself discharged early so that I could be with my girls. We thought they would get the extra care at this hospital, particularly for Beatrice, and that they would soon be developing and growing. Guy collected me and drove us to the hospital, while Florence was taken in the ANTS (acute neonatal transport service) ambulance. We were optimistic and happy to be together, no matter where we were. 5 minutes after we got to Beatrice, we were taken to one side by the senior consultant. He informed us that Beatrice needed an even higher level of care and equipment than first thought, and he needed her transferred to Great Ormond Street Children's Hospital in London. It was then that our alarm bells set in. She needed to be seen by an ear, nose and throat specialist as their was some sort of problem with her windpipe. Her bowel hadn't developed fully which would require an operation, and they suspected a possible genetic disorder. Suddenly everything was more serious than we had thought before. We still tried to be hopeful for our little Bea, no matter what may or may not be 'wrong' with her, she was our little girl and we would do whatever it took. During the transfer, our little Beatrice took a turn for the worse and needed a lot of resuscitation, and it was deemed too risky to continue on to London, so the team diverted to Addenbrookes in Cambridge where she was taken by the Rosie Hospital. We followed and met her team of doctors there. After examination by the ear, nose and throat specialist, we were told that Beatrice needed an operation to close a tear in her trachea. Midway through the operation, we were called into a room for a discussion with the consultant and the surgeon who was operating on Beatrice. It was here that our worst fears were confirmed. Beatrice's trachea didn't appear normal, and her vocal cords were fused shut. It would be unlikely she would every be able to eat or talk, and she was unable to breathe. We had a choice.....trying a tracheotomy, or letting her pass away. Even if she survived, they said, they didn't know what quality of life she would ever have. We had to try for her, the surgeon went back to theatre to try and perform the tracheotomy while we waited anxiously. Shortly the surgeon and consultant came back, with bad news. The operation was unsuccessful, Beatrice hadn't developed the lower part of her trachea, there was nowhere to insert the life saving device. Our little baby Bea wouldn't survive. Hearing this was the most painful thing of our entire lives. The little girl we had waited so long for, who I had felt kicking and growing inside me, who we had seen wriggling around on ultrasounds, wasn't coming home with us. She came out of theatre and back into her incubator on life support. We spent her remaining hours dressing her and doing hand and foot prints. We held her for the first time, and took hundreds of precious photos. Close to midnight, her life support was switched off, and Beatrice passed peacefully and pain free in the arms of her loving Mummy and Daddy. She was 4 days and 16 hours old. Neither of us will ever forget the 16th of October. We bathed and dressed our sleeping daughter, took her outside to be in the fresh air for the first time, and I read her the story "Guess how much I love you". We will treasure those precious moments with her forever.

The process of losing your child doesn't end on the day. That's only the beginning. These weeks should be full of joy and excitement, and plans on getting your baby home. Not planning your child's funeral and visiting them in the mortuary. Going home to a twin pram, two cots built and waiting for their owners, matching dresses lovingly bought and waiting to be worn. It is truly heartbreaking, and something only someone who has experienced this can fully understand. It feels like we are the only ones going through this agony in the world. But of course we aren't. 1 in 10 babies born are premature. Thousands of people like us have to go through this unfair pain, and say goodbye to their sons and daughters too soon. 4louie is a charity set up and ran by a parent who sadly lost their premature son. It provides parents who have gone through a stillbirth or a neonatal death with a memory box. The box contains printing sets for hands and feet, a candle to light, a photo frame, a casting set, a teddy to stay with your baby so they are not alone, and other lovely bits and pieces. With the sudden bad news it can be hard to focus but this gave us something positive to do with Beatrice before she died. And we now have these memory pieces of her to treasure forever, and to share with her twin sister when she's older. These items will never make up for the fact that we weren't able to raise Beatrice, but it's proof of her existence. We will be able to look at her prints and remember how tiny her little hands and feet were. We will always have things to remember her by, and we will always have our memories of her. We will never stop thinking about her or talking about her. We will never stop loving her or missing her, and Florence will be raised knowing that she has a twin sister who is an angel in the sky.

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Any money we receive through refunds, or selling our duplicate items, will be donated on Beatrice's behalf.

Thank you all

Mel, Guy, Florence and Beatrice x