Our beautiful baby boy Joseph Timothy Flaherty died three days before he was due to be born. The pregnancy was full-term and his tiny heart stopped beating at 39+4 weeks gestation. He was delivered at 23:59 on 27 May 2022 after a nine hour labour. The experience of labour was just the same as any other birth, only we did not get to hear Joe's first cry when he was delivered. The silence was heartbreaking and we will never get over it.

We loved and longed for Joe so much. His story started when a selfless woman donated her eggs to help us to become a family. After years of infertility this altruistic woman gave us the gift of a lifetime. We could not be more grateful for the kindness of our anonymous donor.

On the 8 September 2021 Joe's embryo was transferred into my uterus. We had to wait two weeks to take a pregnancy test to find out if the IVF was successful. We used this time to go on holiday to Northumberland. We swam with seals at Farne Island, Seahouses. We ran naked into the North Sea with 900 other skinny dippers at Druridge Bay. We walked part of Hadrian's Wall and we visited Sunderland and Whitley Bay to feel close to my grandfather who was born and raised in the North East. It was such an exciting time, wondering and hoping if there was a baby growing inside me joining us on all of these adventures.

The two week wait was soon up. The date fell on the Autumn Equinox. We went to Stonehenge to welcome the sun. We were treated to a beautiful sunrise and then took the test. It confirmed that our dreams had come true. I was really pregnant!

Soon after we had our seven week 'viability scan'. Our baby had a heartbeat and was growing in my uterus as expected. We were ecstatic. We had so many plans and dreams of the adventures we'd have as a family, and of the person our baby might become.

Joe and I thrived when he was growing inside of me. Our two heartbeats as one. We had lots more adventures, living on our narrowboat, seeing the dawn rise at Stonehenge each equinox and solstice, visiting Glastonbury, Brighton, and Newquay.

I fell in love with my body and was so proud of my beautiful bump growing our precious baby.

I had my Mother's Blessing where I connected heart to heart with the most important women in our lives, to honour my pregnancy and journey into motherhood. I felt absolutely blooming.

We managed to sell our boat and move into our new family home just in time for Joe's arrival.

The day after we moved in our world fell apart. I could feel Joe's kicks as we went to bed. I woke up at 2.30 am and I couldn't feel him moving at all. We went to the Maternity Assessment Unit for reassurance. But the midwife and two doctors told us that Joe's heart had stopped beating. I screamed and wept and crumbled into Brendan's arms.

We left the hospital and had to tell our parents that their long-awaited grandchild had died. They experienced a double-loss. The pain that Joe had died, magnified by having to see mine and Brendan's anguish.

It was three more days of shock, grief, self-blame and disbelief before we returned to the hospital so that I could deliver Joe. I was given medication to induce labour at 10 am, although my contractions had started naturally just before then. We had music and an aromatherapy diffuser in the delivery suite, just like we planned in the NCT classes. There was really no way to tell that we were experiencing the worst kind of nightmare and not a typical birth. Other than the fact that I could have any type of pain relief I wanted. I opted for an epidural.

When I first realised that I would be giving birth to my baby's dead body I begged the doctor to give me a c-section under general anesthetic. Whilst he said this was possible if it was what I really wanted, he encouraged me to deliver Joe vaginally. He said that this would carry less risk to my physical health, and would also help with the grieving process. Giving me some form of closure.

I am so glad that I followed this advice. I am proud that I was able to birth Joe and deliver him into the world. The emotional care I received from Brendan, and from the midwives made this a happy birth experience despite the heartbreaking ending. I loved giving birth and am so grateful to have had this life-changing experience with my baby.

After he was delivered they told us 'it's a boy'. We had already chosen the name Joseph Timothy and knew it suited him perfectly. The midwives cleaned Joe and wrapped him up in a blanket and a hat and handed him to us. We both cradled him and cried for the son we had lost. He looked exactly like Brendan. He was perfect. Auburn hair, tiny fingers and toes, a button nose. We don't know what colour his eyes are as he never got to open them. Holding my baby was the most precious and most painful experience of my life.

After the birth we were transferred to a suite on the top floor of the hospital. It was like having our own flat there. We stayed with our son for three days. The bereavement maternity team provided a cooling cot so that Joe could stay in the room with us. We held him, washed him, put on his first nappy, dressed him in his 'going home' outfit, even though he wouldn't be returning home with us. We read him stories and we sang to him. We held his hands and his tiny feet. Our family were able to come and meet him. The midwives took prints and made casts of his feet and hands and took hundreds of photographs. We were given a set of teddy's, one to stay with Joe and a matching one for us to bring home. We have blankets and hats that Joe had been wrapped in. We have his hospital bracelet and the tape measure that took his measurements. He was 52.5 cm long and he weighed 7.5lbs - a perfect chunky baby. We were able to take Joe outside into the garden in a Moses basket to feel the sun and the breeze on his skin.

The care that we received from the Ashfield Trust John Radcliffe Maternity Team was phenomenal. We will never forget the team's kindness, warmth, patience and caring attitude. I felt totally safe in their hands at all times. And the memories that they helped us to create will be treasured forever.

To our friends and family, please make a donation in Joe's name to help the team to support other bereaved families following the loss of a baby in late pregnancy, or shortly after birth.  This will enable them to spend more time with their baby and create lasting and tangible memories.

Joseph Timothy Flaherty (Joe) 7.5lbs 27 May 2022.
Shine bright like the brightest star you are. We are so proud of you. Forever in our hearts.
Love Mummy and Daddy.

xxx