In October 2020, almost fours years into working as an accountant, I broke.

During COVID I had been working from home, at my kitchen table, like everyone else. I felt disconnected from the world, I hated my job, I was anxious at the thought of all the work that I had, and I had no way to manage my stress levels. After months of constant anxiety and worry, I had a panic attack at my desk which led to me being signed off work for six months. 

During that time I was diagnosed with stress, low mood, depression, anxiety and panic. I started taking medication for this but I wasn’t seeing the improvements I needed. I was fortunate that I could afford therapy and start getting help with processing my feelings, emotions and thoughts. I recognised how lucky I was that I could get the help I needed, when I needed it. I was put on an NHS waitlist which ended up taking 4 months until I saw someone. I realised that had I not received help, I probably wouldn’t have seen my next birthday.

In April 2021, I quit my job. I realised that I could never go back to being an accountant. I had no meaning, purpose or impact in my work and it left me feeling as though I had nothing to offer the world.

I found community running later that year and it gave me so much meaning. The ability to connect with others and share an experience really helped in my recovery. I began to share my experiences and quickly realised that I wasn’t alone. The conversations that I was having were impacting my life in a way that I couldn’t have expected.

Suicide is the number 1 killer of men under 45. A statistic that we are all becoming increasingly aware of, and which is deeply deeply saddening. I never knew just how many people that equated to, until last year. 84 men a week take their own life. Men who saw no alternative, who didn’t feel the world was a place for them anymore and ultimately, men who were loved and cared for, but couldn’t see it. I knew, deep down, that had I not received the help I needed, when I needed it, that I would have added to that number. This is precisely the reason why this challenge means so much to me. I want to help provide therapy to those who need it, whoever and wherever they are. Men need to talk about their feelings, emotions and struggles.

I was introduced to Jeff and Chloe (father and daughter) that run Big Moose, the charity I’m raising money for this year. They are truly remarkable people and the work they do, day in and day out is incredible! Big Moose provide early intervention therapy for anyone who needs it. This means that whether you have the means or not, you can get the help you need. I knew how much it had helped me and how much trouble I’d have been in had I not gotten the help.

They have a huge goal this year, to raise £1,000,000 and I said I’d help them get there. The challenge that I’ve bitten off is to 4,368+1KMs  in 2022, which works out as 12km a day for a year, 84km a week, or the equivalent of 104 marathons over the course of the year. This target represents the number of men that die by suicide in the UK every year. 

That number is too high. Please help me change the landscape of male mental health and help change the narrative around discussing our struggles.  

D ❤️