Mother Remembered

“Home is where your mom is” this is a message on a tea towel I gave my mom a few years ago. A few simple words that give us comfort in a world where travel and work seem to take us further away. As many of you know my mom passed away 4 months ago and there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think of her. But what many of you don’t know is that my mom was the bravest woman I knew. For the last 6 years my mom battled with dementia.

Dementia is a disease like no other.  Not simply because there is no cure but rather because it robs oneself of dignity.  The simple pleasures in life are slowly and ruthlessly taken from you.  Your ability to do the simplest of tasks like brush your teeth, your hair or even go to the bathroom are so very quickly tasks that are too much for you to handle.  Dementia related disease cost 5 times more to treat than our other more socially aware diseases such as cancer and heart disease and yet it receives 12 times less funding for research and other costs of caring.

Watching a loved one suffer is never easy no matter what the disease is. My mom was my hero and I don’t say that lightly. The life she lead was inspirational, and a life that I try to emulate. She put everyone’s needs before her own and never questioned the need to help.  Dementia slowly rob her of that life and of the simpler things… Driving her car, volunteering, visiting with her friends and the act of being able to care for others were slowly and brutally taken from her. Then the disease got mean and took her dignity.  The simple acts of brushing her hair, her teeth, feeding herself and, yes, being able to go the toilet became the acts of her caregivers.

Her slow decline, as difficult and horrible as it was to witness, was easy compared to my last real conversation I had with her.  Listening to her describe how she was feeling and how she physically felt great was in stark contrast to when it came to talking about the future and the knowledge that she knew she would one day need to be cared for when she spent a life time caring for others. It brought tears to her eyes and to mine. I still remember her saying that she did not want to be a burden on my brother or me. What words do you say to this that can provide comfort? She knew the future. We all knew the future.

But through it all my mother never lost her sense of humour. I could always see her love for others and her cheeky wit, even as she battled bravely up until her final breathe.

I apologise now for the asking, but this is a horrible disease that needs to be eradicated from our society.  Our parents, our loved ones, don’t deserve this… no one does. So in honour of my mom I am running the London 2011 marathon in her memory and for the Alzheimer’s Society and I ask that you donate what you can to help.

Thank you for donation