You know the type. There's a decent chance that you are the type. The type to run a marathon, refrain from speaking for a day, cut their hair off, or give up alcohol for a month. The type do something along those lines and then ask people to give them money.

Now, this type are not greedy. Far from it. They're so full of generosity that they fill your social media with requests for donations. They're good people with the best of intentions.

And they're annoying as fuck.

You can't fault them. They're putting themselves out there for a reason, even if it makes everyone involved feel a bit uncomfortable. But why does it make us feel uncomfortable? Is it the earnestness with which they look you in the eye and say "I'd like you to give me money, please"? Is it the way that they have organised themselves to do the nice thing that you've always thought about doing, but haven't gotten around to? Is it the fact that they can run 5K through a muddy obstacle course or abstain from alcohol for weeks on end, while your greatest physical exertion on behalf of others is carrying four pints from the bar when it's your round? Who knows?

What I do know is I hate these people and genuinely admire them, simultaneously. I want to be one of them, without becoming one of them. But how can I do that? I've done a Dry January (and literally could not get anyone to give me a penny to do it). The thought of running a 5K just gave me shin splints, and something tells me running a 1K for charity is kind of taking the piss. Some people cut their hair; I don't have any. Some people use other talents; I don't have any.

Or do I?

Actually, there is one talent that I'm quite proud of. One that I've been honing for years. You might even call it a vocation. Yes, I would call it that, because I'm a drinker. I'm very good at drinking. I do it a lot. Often when I ought not to. My liver probably doesn't work as well as it should, I look about ten years older than I am and I'm at least thirty pounds overweight, but I pursue my hobby all the same.

So, why not turn this talent towards the greater good? So, this month, I'm drinking for charity.

This is how it's going to work. For every alcoholic beverage I drink this month, I'm donating £4 to Oxfam (I thought about doing a cancer charity, but the irony of imbibing mass quantities of carcinogens to fight cancer seemed a bit much). I decided on £4 because that's a decent average cost for the places that I find myself drinking. If I buy myself a glass of wine with dinner: £4 to Oxfam. If a friend buys my round at the pub: £4 to Oxfam. If I mix myself a White Russian before bed: £4 Oxfam. Easy peasy. I'm not messing around with donating per unit of alcohol consumed and all that. Whether it comes in a shot glass or a hollowed out watermelon, if you could justifiably call it "a drink," then it's £4 to Oxfam.

And I hear you ask: Adam, what can I do to help? Well, I can think of two things just now. #1: Donate to my Just Giving page here. You could give a one-off payment of £5, or you could go for £100. I'm not going to tell you what to do with your money; let your conscience do that. Or if that seems all a bit too altruistic for you, then there's always #2: buy me a drink. Which is a win-win-win. A charity fighting poverty gets money, I get a drink, and you get a warm feeling in your innards. Plus, you get the added bonus of my drunk company. I'm really quite charming when I drink. Ask anyone*.

As for the money, I'll be sending it off all in one probably entirely-too-lump sum in the beginning of August (July is looking like a lean month, fiscally speaking), but I'll offer constant updates on the tally as my pending donation increases and my liver degenerates.

So, if you're annoyed by my plea, I understand completely, and I'm sorry. Truly. I'll make it up to you. At the pub. First round's on you.

Thank you for reading and, hopefully, for helping.

*For the sake of this post, 'anyone' excludes a few dive pubs in Lambeth.