On Sunday 7th February between 3 and 4 pm we held my Dad’s hand as we said goodbye to him; he died at UCH Hospital of Covid-19. He was surrounded by loved ones and had both a Muslim and Catholic blessing before he passed away, to respect both of my parents’ faiths. It is the most heartbreaking experience to lose a parent in this sudden and random way. There aren’t sufficient words to articulate the deep, guttural sense of loss that our family are feeling. The colour feels like it’s been drained from life.

Whilst we are coming to terms with the everyday 'little griefs' of not being able to chat to Dad or celebrate days like Father's Day with him, it's been really important to have ways of memorializing Dad and honouring his memory. COVID-19 Bereaved Families for Justice have been central to that process for me and for the hundreds of thousands of bereaved family members across the country. As such, I have decided to fundraise in support of the group by running Hackney Half on 28th September.

COVID-19 Bereaved Families for Justice provide a safe and supportive space for those left grieving from the pandemic to talk about their grief; they help members to track down supportive materials and are consistently working on ways to remember the 150,000+ people that have been lost to the pandemic - such as the National Covid Memorial Wall.

Crucially, they are also at the forefront of the conversation around the inquiry into the pandemic. CBFFJ are doing a huge amount of work to ensure that the inquiry into the pandemic is brought forward, that it is fair and that the voices of bereaved family members, whose stories sit at the heart of the trauma caused by the pandemic, are heard. Without bombarding you with details, it is worth knowing that numerous key organisations including the British Medical Association and the Royal College of Nursing have called for the inquiry to take place as soon as possible. Inquiries take years to make findings and, if we wait until Spring 2022 as suggested by our government, its findings likely won't be made until after the next General Election. No one was prepared to deal with a pandemic of this scale, but the sheer amount of death in the UK, the lack of funding and recognition for the NHS (in practical terms - not clapping) and the consistent lying over care homes and PPE amongst other things is unacceptable. We can't allow people in power to behave in this way without consequence. These people represent us!

In my eyes Dad was symbolic of so many of the good things about this country: the importance of immigration, the NHS and social democracy / thinking about others. He gave so much to this country and its health service, and the failures of this government to protect his life (and so many others, particularly from minoritized groups) feels incredibly painful. The work that CBFFJ does is integral to righting some of these wrongs.

As CBFFJ is a small group and heavily reliant on donations to make its voice heard, I wanted to fundraise for them in my Dad's memory. I'd appreciate any support. Fundraising link in bio.

Zahari Bin Awang Ngah

9th August 1952 - 7th February 2021

Rest in peace our sayang