I'm hoping to raise £75,000 for disability support.

Hello. I am Ross, nearly 57, single and I suffer complex post-traumatic stress and functional neurological disorder. I am appealing directly to your good nature and generosity, a stranger, because I don’t know what else I can do, or where else to turn.

Am I deserving of you help?

No, I am not entitled for you to pay any attention to my request.

I’d like to say I’m campaigning on behalf of other sufferers, such as myself, to get the help they need to recover. But I have to put my own oxygen mask on first. Part of my problem has been fighting for recognition and justice over the past eight years, both for myself and hundreds of other victims, left with crippling symptoms that are not widely catered for by the NHS or society in general.

Personally, this has cost me dearly. I have been unable to work since 2020, since first diagnosed with cPTSD. Initially sent home from work with ‘burn-out’ symptoms. It became clear that this was much more serious and a return to work ruled-out. I was lucky to be employed by a very good global company and part of their employment insurance scheme. This at least has enabled me to make progress on my recovery journey whilst on a portion of my salary. But this is not open-ended, and will soon be ending.

The last eight years has seen me lose my career, my home, my health, my marriage and my financial wellbeing.

The root cause of my symptoms, is deep emotional and psychological trauma brought about by multiple forms of abuse suffered whilst growing up in a religious cult. Disguised as a Christian community they hid in plain sight, but cut members off from mainstream society in communal living. My parents took me as a young teen. I eventually escaped aged 28, with nothing. I was completely naïve. Had it not been for the generosity of a work colleague, I may have still been trapped in the system, unable to leave.

Unfortunately, the medical profession still relies heavily on antidepressants as the main method of treatment. But they are a coping strategy, not a cure. I was first prescribed citalopram and propananol to cope with the crippling anxiety and depression whilst still trapped in the cult. I have rarely been off anti-depressants since.

I began private therapy in 2020, following experiencing FND episodes where I lost physical control of some of my normal functions and developed uncontrolled shaking in my body for periods of time, coupled with extreme emotional distress (think shell-shock victims). The process of seeking to undo over a decade of psychological, emotional, financial and sexual abuse coupled with coercive control is not quick. The complexities arise from the need to build new neural pathways to overturn the years of teaching religious mantras that take complete control of thought processing whilst suppressing and demonising normal human emotion and behaviours.

There is no fast-lane for diagnosis, let alone treatment and recovery, for those of us affected by such indescribable trauma. Little is widely understood by the medical profession about the affect of this kind of complex traumatic stress on the mind and emotional wellbeing of survivors. We fall between almost all the gaps and rarely qualify for state help. We mainly take a self-funded psychotherapy route if we decide we cannot cope with the effects our trauma has on our daily ability to survive. Few therapists understand these complex needs either. And therapy from experts, with training and expertise in these types of trauma, are not cheap.

Yesterday the local Community Mental Health Team discharged me because they are unable to help me. I am too fragile, and the type of help that they offer would only “scratch the surface of my needs”. It is likely that I will need private trauma counselling for the foreseeable future. But funds are not limitless and I have to prioritise my treatment costs over most things that people take for granted. I do not envisage being able to return to any form of paid work either. The things that trigger my PTSD response can come out of the blue and in the main are not under my control. The FND episodes often triggered as a result, have twice seen me in hospital in the last two years, with admission for the most severe in 2022.

As 2024 moves into autumn and then winter, there is a real possibility that within the following twelve months I will no longer be able to afford my small rented property, and the therapy on which I still depend on for my wellbeing. I try desperately hard not to be a burden on the NHS or the tax payer. I am not on any state benefits, and at present am not eligible.

The main thing that would ease my anxiety for the future would be to secure a roof over my head. My parents are not rich but have offered to loan me £40,000 which I would pay back with interest when I can, to buy a small property. But I am concerned about my ability to meet the repayments, and the additional stress and potential emotional distress this would add if I cannot work. I would love to be able to start a charitable trust to help fund other survivors, but at this time, all of that is a pipe-dream. I have, somehow, to fund my own recovery first.

So that is where you can make a tangible difference to my life. From one human being directly to another. Not some charitable foundation, where you are unsure where your donation has actually gone. However much or little, anything will make an enormous difference, to someone here in the UK. If you cannot donate, please, please, could I ask, would you pass this request on to others in your social and professional network who perhaps could? I don’t have a large social network, you might.

I can only promise you that all and any donations will be received with huge gratitude and not squandered, but rather used both for my recovery journey, and if funds allow, that of others who, like me, seem to fall between the cracks and go unnoticed, ineligible for help any other way.

Sincerely,

Ross

Cumbria, Aug 2024

Thanks for taking the time to visit my JustGiving page.

justgiving.com/crowdfunding/rs-barnes

Donating through JustGiving is simple, fast and totally secure. Your details are safe with JustGiving - they'll never sell them on or send unwanted emails. Once you donate, I will withdraw funds directly. It's the most efficient way to donate and saves time and costs.